


I Am The Ocean or I Am Nothing

by hellsregnantqueen



Category: Nikolai Series - Leigh Bardugo, Six of Crows Series - Leigh Bardugo, The Grisha Trilogy - Leigh Bardugo
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-04
Updated: 2020-01-04
Packaged: 2021-02-27 14:47:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 32,047
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22118875
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hellsregnantqueen/pseuds/hellsregnantqueen
Summary: Re-visiting the original Grishaverse books, what would have happened if The Darkling was not the last to the Morozova bloodline? What if the war was brought to an end in a different way?
Relationships: The Darkling | Aleksander Morozova/Alina Starkov
Kudos: 7
Collections: Grishaverse Big Bang 2019





	1. The Forgotten Past

The little girl was always called Sildy, a short appellative for Sildroher, an old creature of legend, older than Velisyana itself, only because of how much she loved going any place that held water, she ran to rivers, lakes, pools as if coming home, and still, she didn't dare put a foot in the water unless she was accompanied, even then, her face had to remain out of it at all times or panic would ensue.

She did not know what wanting was, from a young age she was coddled and given anything her heart desired, a new doll, a new ribbon for her hair, anything she put her eyes on was on her hands if not immediately, eventually, she learned that patience worked ten times better than tantrums.

She did not know where her parents got the money seeing as the house they lived in was extremely simple in its built and furnishings, all bare bricks and wood, but she was happy there and that seemed to be all that mattered, for her and the Ravkan woman she called mother, at least, her father -a Fjerdan man of old beliefs- seemed reluctant to even look at her, she never understood why, neither did she much care.

She lived a peaceful life, as peaceful as it could be being so close to the Fjerdan borders, winter always came early and took a long time to leave, it didn't bother her as much as it should, the cold seemed to seep into her bones and stick with her all year round, she was used to it by now.

"Sildy! go fetch me some water from the well!" Her mother's voice called from the kitchen, the girl stood and grabbed her coat and her favourite scarf, a thing of black wool that had been fashioned by herself from a blanket she had as a baby, the material too soft and rich to let it go to waste, or at least that's what she had told her mother, the truth was, she did not want that particular piece of her time as an infant to be gone, she had the feeling without it, she would forget about The Woman in Black.

She remembered being a toddler and clinging to the skirts of a tall woman, a woman whose face she could not see, but whose voice seemed to be firmly lodged in her memory  
"don't be shy, girl" The Woman in Black had said, scooping her up and petting her hair as gently as she could manage then letting another set of arms take hold of her, the woman in black exchanged a few words with the newcomers, words in a language she did not understand at the time and with a last pinch to her cheek she was gone, the girl often thought about her, her voice singing a half-forgotten lullaby or reading from some old leather-bound books, mostly to herself, the girl could not have been older than one, and still, she remembered the voice, soothing even on its own guttural tone, with an even cadence, as if the words she was reading were sacred chants she knew by memory.

The girl's mind wandered while she filled the pitcher for her mother, humming idly, her eyes far away, lost in thought, she took the now heavy container with both hands and began her walk inside through the uneven terrain, it was not surprising when she ended up tripping, the pitcher slipping from her hands and though she could not catch it before it fell to break on the floor, it was empty when it happened, her hands holding only the ice-cold water on them, it seemed to follow her movements as if it were a living, breathing thing, something deep in her body seemingly had come to uncoil and fill her as if she had been an empty river bank which rain had blessed with its presence again.

The girl ran in to show her mother, elated, she felt finally whole, as if a part of her that had been sleeping until now had finally joined her, her mother was certainly surprised, but her father watched her with a grim sadness, almost as if he had been hoping this would not happen at all, the woman noticing this took the girl outside to play by the river, letting her push and pull at the current at her desire, idly writing a letter as the girl ran along the river, making it run faster as she went.  
"You're Grisha, darling" Her mother said simply, as if she should already know what the word meant "you're going to a special school, one the king started recently for children like you, they will teach you all manners of useful things there and maybe you'll meet some interesting people, who knows?" The girl was surely sad she would have to leave her home but also excited to meet more people like her, she packed a bag that day and was on her way on the next day with a soldier of the First Army as company, bound to Os Alta, to the Little Palace, to a new life, her mother waved her goodbye, her father was nowhere to be seen.

She studied for years in there, from day one she could not shake off the feeling that there was something maddeningly familiar about Baghra, the woman that would teach her and the other tidemakers to use her power, but she was never able to put her finger on what it was, she was also horribly afraid of the commander and could not understand at all why the other girls were so drawn to him. The Darkling's presence always set her on edge, making her feel like a cat rubbed from the tail the wrong way, oddly enough whenever he was in the school Baghra called her for additional lessons, almost as if she knew the girl wanted to stay out of his way, and sure enough she was thankful for that.  
"Come." Baghra had grabbed her arm one day, she was just getting back from combat training and was ready to keel over, but the woman had other plans. "You are 18 now and about to graduate, it's time we talked about your future...maybe even your past."  
"My past?" The girl frowned, knowing that Baghra had always had a soft spot for her, she tried putting her most tired face as she was dragged to the old woman's hut. "Baghra..."  
"Don't even try it, girl, you know I know you better than that." Sildy sighed and simply kept following the woman. Whatever she had to say was important, then.


	2. Part 1: Oceans Rise, Empires Fall

It was… a morning, same as all the other ones. If it wasn't because of the solid floor that I stepped onto when I stood instead of the rocking floorboards of the ship, I wouldn't have realized I was already in Ketterdam until I walked out of the building. I went about washing my face and dressing on one of the many dresses that had been procured for me before heading out, already frowning, why did they have to get dresses? I stared at myself in the mirror, frowning, in any other place, maybe somewhere like Fjerda or The Wandering Isle I would be just another common-looking blonde girl, sure I had a shape, an average one but still, the sharp lines of my face reminded me of someone else, someone much more powerful and ruthless than I, the eyes staring back at me were too familiar, they were my eyes after all, but at the same time they were a stranger's, I frowned and shook my head, it was far too early and I was far too hungry for this.

"Why the long face, Zova?" I finished tying my hair up before looking at the person speaking beside me, of course Brekker would have someone stationed around to make sure I didn't wander too far, Mother was surely paying him handsomely

"Because I look like a Kerch merchant's daughter instead of a soldier" I stated, sighing as we walked, the street already bustling "good morning, Inej"

"Afternoon, almost! I suppose weeks at sea weren't kind to you?" I shrugged, trying to suppress a yawn

"traveling was nice enough, but it had been a while since I last did so..." that much was true, to a point, I lost count of how long I spent over in Novyi Zem before the war seemed to grow big enough to reach me even there, as far as I was aware on the last letter I had gotten from home, the sun summoner was bound my way and I had to leave before she got there, Djel forbids I might end up making her acquaintance and getting myself caught "and Novyi Zem is far from here" Inej nodded her understanding, leading me to an alley to our left, The Crow club visible on the other end, already coming alive with early customers.

"Let's go, Kaz is waiting to introduce you to your brand new bodyguard!" Inej said with a smile, I frowned and nodded, following her steps to the club, just what had I been thrown into?

We walked into the dimly lit building, or rather I walked in while Inej made her way upstairs from the outside, maybe through an unseen entrance? I didn't quite remember how she had gotten in and out of there last night. I walked upstairs and opened the door I remembered to be Kaz's office, glad to see I had gotten the right one and Inej was already there, along Kaz and another girl I didn't recognize

"Miss Zova! wonderful of you to join us at last" He sure was smiling, but his voice was thick with disdain, it took all my strength not to roll my eyes at him as I walked and sat beside the clearly annoyed girl

"Wonderful to see you again, Mr Brekker" I said with a lazy smile, shrugging his comment off "I wasn't aware I was expected at a certain time? I mean I sure needed the sleep" He simply motioned to the girl to my left, of course, he could not be bothered with some pointless banter

"I just needed to formally introduce you to Nina Zenik, she will be helping you around I understand you have lived a good portion of your life in Novyi Zem...but before that?" I looked off, shrugging

"here and there, I began in Ravka, of course, moved to The Colonies, The Wandering Isle, then Novyi Zem, now I'm here!"

"Hm. and you never went to Fjerda or Shu Han?"

"I didn't. I think you're aware my kind aren't regarded kindly on those places, one sees us as witches and the other one as experiments" This seemed to finally get the attention of the red-clad newcomer, she looked over at me with newly found interest.

"You're Grisha." an affirmation more than a question, I didn't have time to reply before the girl glared at Kaz, hands clenching at her sides "you're giving me a Grisha to take care of!? You are insane! I already have enough with taking care of myself as it is! you know there are slavers and worse things out there, looking to get their hands on us!” Kaz raised a disinterested brow and shrugged

“You'll be fine, Zenik, don't act as if you aren't a soldier yourself, Zova certainly does not look the part but she was trained in the same place as you were, earlier than you, of course, and she's regarded as a highly talented tidemaker”

“Tidemakers are not nearly as useful as a heartrender in a war” Nina said hotly, I sure had a mind to prove her wrong but that would have to wait Kaz was not even remotely concerned about her reaction

“Sure they aren't, but you are still getting one as your partner, now, why don't you go about showing her the city and the places where she might be able to actually put up a fight instead of sitting there pouting at me?” Nina's hands twitched again but she gave a sharp nod, raising to her feet and motioning me to follow her, I simply waved Kaz goodbye and followed after the girl, she couldn't be older than 18, just what had I been thrown into?

“So, Yelena Zova, is it?” Nina finally turned to look at me as we walked around the city, sighing “my apologies, I am not usually this cranky but I was headed elsewhere when Kaz had me dragged here”

“I honestly hope that is a figure of speech” I said, giving the skirt of my dress a tug, who decided it was in fashion to drag fabric on the floor as you walked? “though I wouldn't put it above him to actually drag someone to meet him”

“oh, you have no idea” Nina gave me a curious look, tilting her head “You look flustered, what's the matter?”

“is this dumb dress” I said with another tug, stopping when she did “Is there any chance I could get at least some trousers or something that might actually be good for running on rather than looking like a tea cake?” Nina stifled a laugh, nodding

“Of course, but just for the hell of it I might make you walk around the city with that, it's a long walk, good for the legs and in your case, the arms, I think you might actually end up carrying half the skirt up in your arms rather than put up with the thing dragging on the floor a second longer” I glared at her, mockingly, it was hard to actually get angry at her when she was smiling

“I will drown you where you stand, Zenik” I sneered and was surprised to actually see her smile drop, I quickly dropped the glare and shook my head “I'm joking! I'm joking, I mean I know I'm a good actress but...” Nina looked off, shaking her head

“No! I mean, I guessed you were joking just...How long ago were you in the little palace?” A risky question I certainly did not look my age but she did not need to know that, yet

“A while, been on the road for a couple of years now, never really made it to the second army...why do you ask?” Nina motioned me to walk again before she resumed walking

“Well...I just wanted to be sure it was recently enough to have met the Darkling, for a second there your eyes looked just like his but, might've just been the light, you certainly do smile a lot more than he ever did” she shrugged and led me to a shop, the windows showed plain homespun and clothes cut mostly for work on the docks rather than everyday life, but anything besides a dress was better.

“I sure hope you've got money, this might not look expensive but it will be if you're bad at bargaining” I smiled and shrugged, money was never an issue.

I spent several weeks in Ketterdam, weeks that became months, spring was nearing again, my forced partnership with Nina had thankfully evolved to an honest friendship, everything was looking up, and still, I was beginning to worry about not having heard anything from home so far, which was not normal, even less after the last news I got from Ravka were troubling. It was early morning, last night's mist still hung low on the streets, perfect for allowing me to take walks on my own, the mist was cover enough in case needed and my lodging as usual was nearby the sea.

I was sitting by what now was my favorite dock -one of the few that didn't smell foul- reading again one of the last letters I had gotten almost two months ago

“Lena?” Nina's voice made me snap back into attention, I folded the letter and smiled, taking a bite of a pear I had been cradling in my hand

“you're late, I was saving you some fruit, but now it's all gone” I said with a grin, looking over at her ”you're looking green around the gills, Zenik, what's the matter?” she closed the space between us, leaning on the crate I was sitting on

“you know about Fjerdan lore too, right?” she asked without meeting my eyes or giving me any preamble, she knew a lot more than she let on and I had been raised on a mix of Ravkan and Fjerdan faith thanks to my mom and dad, I nodded simply, not wanting to go too deep into detail

“I do, why do you ask?”

“well...I might need your help”

“why? Are we organizing a surprise birthday party for me? I was born the same day the Hringkälla celebrations start, actually so we are close” Nina winced at the mention of the celebration, sure the Drüskelle were kind of a difficult topic to discuss amidst all of us but this was different

“I wish, but no, It's about a boy...” I frowned, taking in the worried lines of her face, it sure was something harsh to get Nina like this “Lena, I did something bad and I don't know how to fix it” I nodded and patted the empty space beside me on the crate, pulling a little pouch of sugared almonds from my pocket and handing it to her once she took a seat beside me, looking into the sea as I instructed

“Alright. Tell me about it”

Nina sighed and tore the pouch open, taking one of the almonds and twisting it between her fingers as she spoke about a boy, a Drüskelle she had met, though met was a bit of a loose term, she had been captured and the ship they had been into on their way to Fjerda sank, nearly killing them, they had to work together, not caring about the hatred he had been raised on or her fear, the ice and the fear of death had brought them to something close to a friendship

“I betrayed his trust” Nina choked out, sighing “We had started-HE had started to think of me as more of an actual human being rather than an enemy and-”

“You did what you had to” I said simply, flicking the pear's stem away “It was survival, I mean I won't say it was honorable, but it was necessary”

“I could've done it differently” She insisted, rubbing at her eyes “and now Kaz wants to pull this stupid job and...I don't know how will it go, I don't know if he'll help us or try to murder me or just leave altogether and come back with another fleet to hunt me” she was shaking now, I held her hand and shook my head, almost sorry my hands were cold as usual, kind of hard to be warm and comforting when you are hardly warm at all

“Make him listen, then, you'll have every chance, he's a soldier too and I'm sure he'll understand your reasoning” I sighed and smiled up at her, reaching to wipe away a stray tear on her cheek “I mean, if you were willing to tell me about Kaz's plan and your whole past with this boy it sure means a lot, and if it does, you'll find a way to fix it, I know you will” she flushed and looked off, nodding pensively before hopping off the crate, her easy demeanor seemingly snapping back into place

“I sure will! I gotta go now, I still have some preparations to make and you know how Kaz is about timing, don't stay out too long, It's getting colder by the hour, doesn't even feel like spring yet” she said, patting my hand and walking off, I sighed and hopped off the crate as well, moving closer to the pier, looking around to make sure I was not being watched, once I knew I was safe I outstretched my hand, closing my eyes, feeling the endless push and pull of the sea, smiling at the familiarity of it.

I had gotten used to being alone, always in fear of being found and brought back to Ravka, I had gotten used to having no friends at all until Nina came along, and now she was leaving for what could be months to run along thieves and murderers, oh, and an angry Drüskelle, Djel and all his waters, she deserved better, we both did. 

I headed back home, alone, better get used to it again sooner than later.

* * *

“Zova.” It had been a few days since that talk with Nina, It was late and I heard Kaz's voice on the other side of the door, I opened it, raising an eyebrow

“goodnight to you too, do you people here not knock?” He made no move to walk in, I didn't make an attempt to invite him to do so.

“I have something for you” He pulled a couple of letters from under his coat, offering them to me without any flourish, assessing me with an expressionless gaze

“This better not be a love declaration or-” The joke died on my lips, I recognized the writing and opened the first letter, then the other, reading rapidly through them, I glared up at Kaz, nearly shaking, they advised the same, one much more urgent than the other, someone was looking for Morozova's amplifiers and that someone had actually managed to spot the Stag, already having sent a team to bring it down “how long.” I asked, my voice sounded strange to my own ears “how long ago did you receive them.”

“A week ago or so, they were brought urgently. Tomorrow is the last day a Ravkan privateer will be waiting for you on fifth harbor to bring you to the Shu Han, you'll have to make your way back into Ravka through there, I sure hope you can, with the new soldiers and no help...” I was not even looking at him or listening to what he was saying, a week, I had wasted a week of travel already, I had to fight back the urge to punch him

“Why didn't you tell me before?! Do you not know how bad this is? You're the only one that knows I...I stepped back into the room, feeling dizzy “I have to go”

“Sturmhond or a member of his crew will be expecting you” He said simply “It'll be the only ship flying a Ravkan flag alongside their colors, I'm sure you'll know how to spot them” I nodded, the privateer had helped me get to Novyi Zem to begin with I took a deep breath and looked at Kaz

“Lives depend on this, Brekker, you delayed me too long. Why didn't you say anything?!” He gave a simple shrug, tugging his cuffs back into place

“Nina is fond of you, I know she would want to go along with you on your little adventure, I need her more than you ever will and we had an assignment closing on us.” I huffed, of course it was for his own benefit

“your greed is as vast as the universe, Brekker”

“I find greed is the one thing that sets the world into motion, but don't be mistaken, greed bows to me” and with that he was gone, leaving me to get ready to depart. Nearly an hour later I was headed down to fifth harbor, the letter I had slipped under Nina's door was more of a note than anything else and what everything Kaz had her doing? Well...I didn't think she would see it any time soon, I smiled at the familiar sight of the same Schooner that had brought me to this land and the man at the helm.

“Good morning, Privyet” He nodded to me with an easy smile, helping me with the duffle bag I was carrying “I hope you're ready to leave right away?”

“as I have been every night since I got here, people were getting uneasy 'round the ship, but I guess you had been really busy”

“I was, my apologies” I wasn't going to clarify whatever lie Kaz had told to buy himself some time, I just needed to be on the way as soon as it was possible “take me home, then” He nodded and went about calling orders here and there, reassuring me the trip would not take more than a week, I smiled as I sat, watching the sea at rest, with their squallers and my help, it would be taking much more less than one. 

I was mostly busy helping around ship, gathering freshwater for the barrels, keeping the currents on our favor, flowing faster, the schooner closing the distance with the Shu Han quickly, the squallers seemed tired but apparently wanted to prove the could keep my pace, when we took breaks I bent over a map showing the region I was headed to, strange and inhospitable.

“the kapitan marked the easiest way to cross from Shu territory to Caryeva” Privyet had explained when he handed me the map to me “we'll drop you off a little ways from Shez Ju, won't take it more than a week to make it to the mountains, he suggested you took the most direct route even if it looked longer. So it would be Caryeva, Poliznaya then Os Alta.” I sighed and shrugged, hopefully I wouldn't face any khergud, but if it happened...

I shook my head and put the map back into my pocket, I would find a way out, I had to. As I supposed, we arrived at our destination, not even three full days after we departed from novyi Zem, I called my goodbyes to the crew and made my way into the Shu Han, the Sikurzoi already visible in the dim sunrise light, it was going to be a long trip

“you're looking a bit long-faced there, that's bad for business you know? What would people say to see a girl like you leave my ship with such a gloomy face? You're going to leave me broke!” I looked over at the man speaking with a grin, his familiar voice brought me back to simpler times, happier even, to the first time i had seen the sea

“Well, I was quite disheartened the rather handsome captain was not on board, the trip didn't seem to be worthy of its price without him” Sturmhond laughed happily, ruffling my hair

“It's good to see you, I was afraid you'd drown without me” I rolled my eyes, mockingly glaring at him

“Well, I would have been a perfectly good behaved passenger the first time around if you hadn't run us into that storm!” I retorted, when we were headed to The Wandering Isle, a huge storm had broke and if it hadn't been for his squallers we might have been lost at sea, I had freaked out and clung to his arm, he was kind enough not to shove me off even though he had to set the ship to rights

“Ah, of course, I forgot I was the one commanding the storm and telling it when to hit, my bad!” he teased back, nodding to a pair of horses waiting for us further inland “I hope you didn't think I would let you venture into this lands alone?” I scoffed, that's just what I thought would happen

“you? Missing the opportunity to fight something? I know you would never” We made our way to the horses and mounted them in amiable silence

A couple of hours later we were closing on a little rural town, just bordering the deep forest that ran at the base of the mountains

“I'll be with you at least to the border, I cannot head to Ravka just yet...how's the family by the way?” I stared ahead, snapping the reins for the horse to move

“Don't know, distant as usual? I haven't spoken to them in years!” I said flippantly, he knew better than to ask same as I knew better than to go around divulging /his/ secret. He just scoffed and grinned

“Oh come on, I heard your-” He went suddenly still, looking around “we've got company...” He dropped his voice, looking at me, completely at ease and still smiling, his voice was calm when he asked “please tell me you got some kind of weapon along your clothes” I shook my head, keeping the same calm appearance but suddenly aware of how underprepared I was, I should've known better, Sturmhond cursed under his breath and shoved his hand under his coat, no doubt ready to shoot at whatever came charging to us. I looked back when I heard the footsteps approaching, heavy and slow, just then an old woman made it to the road we had been riding on, smiling a toothless smile and waving her walking stick to us in greeting, I did my best not to laugh at Sturmhond at least not in front of the woman, we returned the greeting and hurried along

“you were ready to shoot the poor woman! What, you were afraid she was going to drool on you?” I said with a stifled laugh, he simply rolled his eyes and looked at me 

“hey, whatever it might've been, at least I was prepared, what were you going to do? Make her teary eyed?”

“Hah! Very funny” I said, still laughing under my breath, honestly I was just relieved we were not being attacked yet. We made it to the border by sunset, taking only little breaks to stretch our legs or snack on some of the provisions he had the caution of taking with him

“You can't always rely on other people, you know?” He said softly as if worried his words would hurt my pride but they actually did. I sighed and shrugged, refusing to meet his eye, this was out last stop before we made it out the forest for me to cross the Ravkan border into Caryeva

“I'm fine, I can always count on a certain privateer to come and save the day?” I said, wishing I could keep the hurt off my voice, he was right, I was used to always being taken care of and rarely worried about anything else, I was always underprepared, hoping others would figure things out for me and relying on them, it was wrong, but breaking habits was hard, let alone one as long-lived as this one. Sturmhond placed a hand on my shoulder, gripping it gently, as an older brother would, smiling softly, worriedly and still his words were still teasing, he knew better than to give me a heart-warming speech

“I just don't want the cargo to be damaged before it reaches the destination, you got to make sure you stay whole when you're out there, alright?” I smiled and nodded, the message was easy to understand.

Finally we parted ways, his parting gift to me had been a heavy, bright blue winter kefta, a couple of pistols and some easy to remember directions for when I made it to Caryeva, it was easier to sneak around as a soldier of the second army than a deserter of the first, Grisha were known to love their autonomy and being given more assignments on their own than regular soldiers, and still I was uneasy, even though I carried a heavy letter explaining the reason for me to travel alone on Nikolai Lantsov’s order. I made it without any problem to Caryeva, the night was falling quickly and I was worried I would not find the house Sturmhond had pointed me to, however, the tiny building stood out for the simplicity of its construction against the pretentious houses around it as well as its lack of stables. I walked up, feeling about ready to just keel over where I was, the door flew open before I could knock a second time, a tall woman stood in the dimly lit foyer, dark black hair pulled back in a bun, she was almost catlike, there was no other way to describe her, she was wiry and lean, her face was fixed in an almost bored expression 

“I don't take commissions this late at night, whatever you have to ask will have to-” The words died on the girl's lips, she narrowed her dark eyes and dragged me in, not even asking for my name “I'll take it you're Sturmhond's newest 'cargo' huh? He told me to keep you for tonight and let you be on your merry way tomorrow.” She stopped, making me stand in front of one of the burning lamps and taking hold of my chin, turning my head this way and that “easy work, have you been tailored before?” I nodded, still too dumbfounded to speak “alright, then you know better than to squirm around, the effects will last a while, enough to get you to Os Alta and into the little palace before someone might recognize you again” She let go of my chin, waving me off “go on and take a shower, miss Zova, you'll be up and about before sunrise after all” I nodded and began to walk off the direction she was pointing, stopping briefly

“I...thank you for helping, miss...?”

“Chepurin, now get going, I'm almost as tired as you look and it's best I'm wide awake while trying to tailor you, less chance of me accidentally sealing a breathing passage off”

“Please tell me you're kidding”

“I dunno? Keep me up and we'll find out!” she smiled a crooked smile and I just scoffed, walking up to clean up, where did Sturmhond find all these people? After taking a quick bath, she showed me to a tiny room with enough space for just a cot and a small trunk, she handed me some new looking sleepwear and went about getting ready for bed herself

“what is your first name?” I asked without really meaning to and without expecting a response, the woman was in the kitchen apparently cleaning the last of her dinner, I had already changed into my bedclothes and laid under a couple of blankets and a comforter, it was spring already, so why was it still so cold?

“Tatyana” She replied after a long pause, shattering the silence with her sword's edge voice “now sleep, it's going to be a long day tomorrow for you.” She did not have to say it twice, I was already exhausted for the hours riding and the time spent walking, I closed my eyes and eased into a dreamless sleep.

Morning came much faster than I thought it would, I went and washed my face on a basin filled with ice-cold water, yawning as I walked into Tatyana's room, I definitely was not expecting what I saw  
“You're a Materialnik?” I asked with a frown, The only tailors I had ever heard about were something between a Corporalnik and a Materialnik, but Tatyana's workshop let show she was of one order only  
“I am, how is that impressive? Why is your face any different to work with than any other material?” Her words hid other meaning in them, half-forgotten, the voice said 'are we not all things?'  
“My apologies, Tatyana, so, we get to work?”  
“Yes, finally” she said with the same crooked smile she had assessed me with last night, she sat me down and began to work on my hair first, I didn't have the common sense to ask and so she didn't tell, but when I looked up to the makeshift mirror in front of which she was working, my hair was completely black, falling around my face like thick ink skeins, she looked at me, curiously, I knew she was dying to ask a question, one I had heard a couple times before, from Sturmhond and Brekker when they first met me  
“Are you really...?” I nodded, not letting her finish the inquiry, she gave a single, sharp nod and went about working on a simple updo, wordlessly for a while “I figured, I mean, your hair helps to hide it somewhat, you have a pretty light shade of blonde for a Ravkan...you have to look but the resemblance is there” I nodded and smiled, not trusting myself to speak, she worked on my face for what seemed like hours, by when she was done, a complete stranger looked back at me from the mirror  
“You know how it works, you have three days at the most to get to Os Alta if you intend to keep the guise, I don't see a reason for it, Sobachka didn't say you were being followed or anything like that” I shrugged and nodded  
“Better safe than sorry, don't you think? Plus I think I look prettier with blue eyes” I said with a smile, Tatyana returned it with a huff  
“If you insist, it was just easier to have them go blue than any other colour without leaving you blind, let's have some breakfast and Have you on your way, then. Not that I'm eager to get rid of you or anything” She gave my hand a comforting pat, smiling “I just think you're better off getting there sooner than later.” I left after a hearthy breakfast. The midday sun fell heavy on me as I walked to the first post to get in a troika, the fastest way I had to get from Caryeva to Poliznaya, and still, it would be a couple of days before I got there  
“Grisha” the man driving the troika grinned, the smile barely touched his eyes “rare to see one of you lot so far from your little reign” I gave a disinterested shrug, tapping my pocket with a finger  
“Out on a mission, I wish it was for fun” It felt weird to be back in Ravka, to speak to language I had grown up speaking, sure, I had used it with Nina when we spoke late at night, but to be fully immersed in the culture again and wearing a real Kefta, not the makeshift they had for show in every other place I had visited almost made my heart hurt, Sure, I was home, but for how long?

The first night I met a boy, Fjerdan of shy demeanor, long brass hair and bright blue eyes, he Identified himself as Bjorn, only, he knew me only as Lena, his Ravkan was awful and my Fjerdan was more than passable, I tried to start a conversation with him several times with no success, I could get past shyness, but this was something else. We stopped for the night and he finally approached me of his own accord, he had been brewing something on the fire the driver had made up for the camp and walked around it, sharing the contents of his steaming teacup with everyone  
“What's in this?” I asked with a smile as he poured the amber liquid into my cup  
“Something to help with your muscles” He said calmly, nodding to his own cup “it was a long day sitting, it'll help with the stiffness and pain” I nodded gratefully and took a sip  
“It tastes like lavender” I said with a small frown, there were other flavors in the mix, but I failed completely to identify them “I guess it's some kind of Fjerdan secret?” I asked with a teasing smile, he tensed up and nodded, leaving to continue his round of sharing his tea here and there, when he was done he sat away from the group, facing the road. I noticed the driver and the other couple traveling with us slumping on their places nearby the fire as I took another long sip, still feeling there was something familiar about the taste, I frowned when my vision went blurry, as if on instinct I stood raising my hands to summon...something, anything to buy me time to leave, Bjorn was by my side in a blink, gripping my hands and keeping me from downright falling into the fire, I tried to yank away weakly, everything was going dark, I felt unable to breathe in enough air, I began panicking but lacked the strength to show much of anything, I was still weakly trying to pull free when Bjorn bound my hands behind my back with cold efficiency  
“Don't worry, you'll burn” through the thick mist that had fogged my consciousness I heard another voice, my mind struggling to understand the language, my thoughts were too sluggish but still I recognized a different voice, another Fjerdan soldier, I should have known “You'll just have to be judged first.” And then everything went black


	3. Part 1: Oceans Rise, Empires Fall

“What happens if he dies?” was I dreaming? My voice sounded weird to my own ears, I saw Baghra's outline against the fire, but it was too dark for me to see anything else

“then you'll get his burden” Her voice was as hard as usual, stating facts, not suppositions and yet, it sounded unfamiliar “It was meant to be something else all along, I designed it to be so” The voice was completely different now, a man stood by the fire, his eyes intently staring at the flames “you're older and much more powerful than he'll ever understand, any of them, anyway...do you not know why you cannot wear an amplifier?” I shrugged and shook my head when I looked back at the man he was looking at me, the light did not touch his face anymore, and still I finally remembered who that was, it was a memory after all, finally aware of it everything looked much brighter, Sankt Ilya stood before me, eternal, burdened with the guilt of what his life had brought to existence, living in hiding after a lifetime spent with the otkazat'sya

“Yelena, you're an amplifier yourself, your bones, your blood, your whole existence, are connected to the making at the heart of the world but you don't notice it anymore than a bird notices its wings, if he dies...”

I jolted awake, it felt like it had been a lifetime since I had last seen Ilya and a few years since I got news of his death, I tried to move to wipe the tears on my face but realised my hands were bound, what was worse, the surface I was laying on seemed to be rocking on a way that was awfully familiar, a ship, I frowned, I was In Ravka, was I not? Then I remembered, a Fjerdan had joined my expedition, a young boy, no older than 18, a boy that had given his loyalty and his vow to protect Fjerda from witches and abominations, I had been captured by a Drüskelle and was no doubt in my way to the Ice Court, if I was lucky enough

“All saints, this cannot be happening” I heard someone move outside the cell I was in, the same boy I had met looked at me through the bars, distinctively guilty, I frowned “Bjorn” He winced then schooled his face on a scowl

“Do not speak my name, witch” I rolled my eyes, for a witch hunter he was distinctively soft around the edges

“Fine, kid, who sent you after me?” I was trying to buy time, If I broke free from the ties I could capsize the ship...but then what? I did not know how far had we gotten or how long had I been asleep, he looked off as I tried to sit, seemingly debating if to answer or not

“no one did, we heard about a powerful witch that could summon light and were sent for her”

“Well you got it wrong, I'm not her”

“You're still as bad, you are still one of them and you need to be punished” It was hard not to roll my eyes, I had walked this world long enough to see many things, but the love Fjerdans had to hunt and burn Grisha just for being born the way we were was something else entirely

“why not just run me through with a sword and call it a day? I'm pretty sure I'll bleed as much as you would if you did that” I said frowning, I finally had completely come to my senses and realised I was not the only one in the room, other girls and boys were there, sitting or laying on the floor, all looking ragged, afraid, how long had the witch hunters been operating in Ravka? “I'm sure anyone in this room would, we are all just flesh at the end of the day” I was starting to get a headache, I felt parched and my arms hurt, I felt the pull of the waves beneath the floorboards and tugged them to push harder, the ship tilted to a side before righting itself, just with enough strength to be clearly unnatural, Bjorn looked panicked enough to just leave his post, but we both knew better than that

“You're not natural and what you do is a crime against Djel, you and all your kind” I smiled and shook my head, I had spoken to a saint and a kid wanted to teach me about religion, I knew I would not get anywhere and just relaxed against the bonds

“anything you say, kid, just remember, the water hears and understands” I spoke their loved words in their cursed language before setting on ignoring him “the ice does not forgive.” I lost track of time, I didn't know how long I had been asleep and how long had we been at sea, it was always dark in the cell and it was impossible to get anyone talking about what was going on, I caught bits and pieces of the other drüskelle's chatter when they showed up with whatever grub they were feeding us and dirty buckets of water for us to drink, they washed us every other day with ice cold water they most likely gathered from the sea, hosing us down as if we were nothing more than a particularly hard to clean stain on that section of the ship.

Finally after week at sea we made it to Fjerda, as soon as the ship docked we were shoved into a cart, our faces covered and hands bound above our heads, as they moved us to the Ice Court I felt my anger rise, I had walked this earth for almost a hundred years and almost nothing had changed, there were still kings in Ravka feeding people to their useless and countless wars with abandon, like the people they used for them was nothing at all, there were still queens in Fjerda drafting young boys into their holy armies to hunt and kill people they didn't understand and scientist in Shu Han that treated us as mere lab rats. Above all I was angry I had left my fear keep me from laying the damn ship to waste and save the other Grisha, the ones I had managed to talk to were hardly 18 and cried every night of the trip, knowing they would never see their home again, in the darkness of the coach and with my face covered I cried, too, because I knew I might have as well ordered their deaths myself. We finally arrived at the Ice Court, they uncovered our faces as we stood in line, an old woman sat the entrance of the prison block, blinded, testing the new arrivals to make sure we were Grisha, once she had confirmed it they were led on a different direction, away from the regular prison cells, I stood in front of the woman, she was an amplifier, there was no other way she could test or know if s person was Grisha or not, she gripped my wrist and squeezed, her blind eyes closing as if trying to find something, anything, I felt her tug at my power but found the will to fight it back, something that had to be mastered sooner than later if you spent most of your life on the run as I had. She let go of my hand and shook her head nothing had happened and there was no way for her to prove it if she had felt something, I was pushed along other people to the line at the left, waiting to be let into the regular cells, I knew turning my back on the rest of the people in the coach was wrong, but I would be damned if I turned my back on a chance at leaving this saints forsaken place. We were led to a changing area where we were stripped, patted down and hosed down with more ice cold water, our tattered clothes were changed for colourless prison clothes and footwear, I sighed as they pushed me into a cell along other women, most of them seemed frightened, eager to know what would come next, as if there was anything to come from this other than a lifetime spent here, or the gallows. One options was much more better than the other, honestly.

  
I spent several days there, constantly hearing the guards chatter amidst themselves about preparations for Hringkälla, thankfully now we had the loud bell of the elder clock to actually keep track of the time we had spent in captivity, I was nearly crawling the walls not knowing what to do, sure I could freeze the cell’s bars, make them brittle and run out along the others, but then what? I was deep into enemy territory and there was no way of making it out of here without facing more than a few Drüskelle after they figured out what I was, sure enough the Ice Moat was surrounded by water and the whole place covered in snow, but how far could I go before I was truly outnumbered? There were just too many variables to try and figure out on the go, I had been a fool to think any of this could actually work or that I had actually stood any chance at leaving Fjerda, sure I had saved myself from whatever rotten future the other Grisha had faced, but what for? Sturmhond's words came back to me and I winced, fighting the urge to pace around the crowded cell, for all my years walking on this earth, I was terribly blind in very important spots and now there was nothing I could do about it. I was barely paying attention when the clock began to chime the hour, apparently it was time for the guards to be changed, I sighed and sat by the door, rubbing my face, Tatyana's work had long since I had been brought here vanished and I could not help but feel even more exposed without it.

The guards left, it was the only time of the day when people would actually chatter with others without fearing being chastised or whipped for it, I sighed, pressing my forehead to the cold bars, fighting the urge to hit my head on them when suddenly the door flew open, one of the girls to my left began calling out in Ravkan, one by one the women around me began to fall, apparently passing out one after the other, I looked up finally, not sure if I was just hallucinating at that point  
“Well, well” Nina looked at me, her face equally surprised and happy, I stood up, feeling dizzy  
“You've gotta be kidding me” I said breathlessly, holding onto her hand when she held onto the bar closer to me “Did you come all the way here to help me?”  
“Not at all, this was the assignment Kaz had me take when I left you that day...how long have you been here?” I shrugged, shaking my head  
“Long enough, I don't suppose you have the keys on you?” She shook her head, helplessly looking around

“Afraid not, and I lost sight of Kaz a little bit ago...what are we going to do?”

" Wing it" I said with more ease than I felt, going back to the back of the cell, taking care of not stepping on any of the girls as I made it for the fresh water bucket "It's not going to be a clean job, once the door's open there will be no way of closing it again..." Nina nodded and stood back urging me to hurry

"We have to get moving" I nodded and made the water rise as a single slender ribbon, just wide enough to fit into the keyhole, Nina looked concerned 

"Lena...you are not strong enough to break that on your own or with water for that matter, it's steel" I nodded easily, smiling 

"You might be surprised, Zenik" I said with more confidence than I felt, I let the water fill the lock, every nook and cranny, then made it freeze with a twist of my wrists, feeling it push forcefully at the metal as it expanded, without letting it lose momentum I filled in more water where I found some open gaps, froze it again, I tried to tug at the ice and the lock seemed to groan "stand closer, I'll need you to make sure nothing comes down clattering too loud" Nina stood closer and I gave a sharp, forceful twist to both my wrists, once, twice, Nina was about to open her mouth to suggest something when I have the third tug, satisfied when the lock finally creaked and snapped like an icicle, I ginned at Nina as I stood out, holding her hand as we walked to the stairs 

"Now, tell me about your plan"

* * *

Just a few minutes and a very dangerous climb later we were standing on the roof of the prison sector, I frowned as I saw all the people dragged into this mess of a job Brekker had put together, he was beyond angry, having me added to their ranks and the alarm activated when Nina and I were going downstairs meant the initial plan had to be changed

“Things can never be easy, huh?” He was staring off into the horizon, I shrugged and went to stand by Nina to let him think on a way of getting us out

“so, Nina” I said, sitting beside her on the roof “that’s your Fjerdan?” I asked, looking over at the man that had been just glowering at her, trying to suppress a smile, he was handsome, Nina had every right to be head over heels for him, but she was gorgeous, I was quite surprised the feeling wasn’t mutual, despite their past 

“Matthias, was it?”

“If you’re going to talk about me, I’d rather it be in a language I can understand, not your heathen dialect” He said in Fjerdan, moving just a few inches closer to Nina and I, Nina began a response, but I interrupted, smiling still

“I just didn’t want to offend you, last one of you lot that heard me speak like this had me taken here” His face hardened and he seemed to hesitate before speaking again

“So you’re a witch, too?” I nodded, looking off, I knew the next question was an interesting one, but I hoped Brekker was still busy planning a escape of a final speech for when we were dragged to the gallows “How did you get into to the prison? Grisha are taken elsewhere.”

“Well…”

“Luck, I suppose” I cursed under my breath, Kaz was already turning to face us 

“she’s an amplifier, I guess she kind of cancelled what the lady at the door can do? Like magnets, equal sides repel each other and so her power went unnoticed” I sighed heavily, nodding 

“Yeah, pretty much that’s how it went” I said simply, meeting his eyes “for all your ‘might’ you are curiously blind in places” He rolled his eyes but to my surprise nodded, crossing his arms 

“I suppose you’re right, still I had never heard of that being done..” I shrugged, smiling amiably 

“I doubt anyone doing it would be telling on themselves”

“Well, we can discuss this at any other time, we have more important things to discuss right now, we need to get in a party uninvited and get out with all our limbs intact.” Nina Inej and I ended up being assigned on the same team, we had to get into the actual party somehow and get out with a lot more than we had in our hands to begin with

"Alright, so we are going in as...courtesans?" I said with a huff, shaking my head "I might be pretty, but I'm not a seductress at all"

"It's not hard, bat your lashes, pretend you are willing to give anything for them, maybe a couple compliments here and there will help?" Nina said matching my hushed tone, we were crawling on an vent shaft to try and get into a room where the girls from a place I had only heard about in Ketterdam -The Menagerie- were being inspected I scowled when I looked at them through a vent, sighing 

"Alright, I hope you have a plan to actually make this work

"well...Inej said, looking down" We got the Fox, Mare and Lynx in one room, I think we can make it work?" I sighed and shook my head, judging by the height of the girls I knew where I'd be stuck

"Alright, get us in there, then" I said moving out of the way to let Nina get to the vent and work her magic

Minutes later we were hurrying into the party, this should've been the easy part but somehow it had gotten complicated, Inej had been held behind since she didn't match the description of the girl as well as Nina and I did, it was a setback, one we hadn't count on, but we had to trust she would figure it out

"What now?" I asked Nina as we crossed the glass bridge, trying not to shiver after having shed our capes, in hopes to make us less recognizable, Nina's dress barely covered her at all, at least the 'fox' had a little bit more to cover with, even if the fur lined dress coat was too uncomfortably tight and barely covered my chest or legs. 

Nina had had to leave the poor girls that had been playing out parts with white hair to cover our own as best as time allowed, hers was a pretty reddish colour while mine was to my dismay black again, with my luck, I would be recognised and have nowhere to run other than back to prison. I stopped when we got off the glass bridge, reaching to wrap my arm around Nina that looked slightly dizzy after the crossing 

"everything alright, Zenik?" She looked up, immediately blushing when she realised how close we were, she shook her head, leaning on me for support as we moved from the main path

"Sudden change of scenery, I'll be fine" I nodded and let her recover, not really wanting to move, but I knew time was short so I forced myself to speak

"We should get going, would hate to lose our once chance at escaping because you're busy swooning"

"I am not swooning!"

"Blushing, then" She rolled her eyes and pulled back, fluffing her hair as we walked "you caught me off guard, next time I'll be the one to make you blush"

"I'll hold you to that"

We slipped past the doors into the ballroom and took separate paths, we needed to get information about a Shu prisoner, the sooner it was done, the sooner we could leave, I was only half surprised when I found Matthias and Kaz already sporting Drüskelle uniforms

"We need you" Kaz said, shoving me to Matthias "you two seem to have the same disposition toward this whole thing, stick together, get information, don't leave Zenik out your sight" He nodded at where Nina stood, hanging on the arm of what seemed to be a high ranked officer, Kaz looked back at me, frowning "at least look like you're trying to seduce him, and Helvar, don't act like she'll burn your hands off, if need be we need you to look like you have a reason to slip out" and with that he was gone

"well..." I said, pressing closer to Matthias, letting one of my hands rest on his neck while the other went to his chest "you think you can keep up?" He looked troubled and still smiled charmingly, his hand going to the small of my back

"Try and keep up, Drüsje" I was surprised at how easily Matthias fell on the role of a drunk young Drüskelle happy to be around his betters, slightly ashamed to have a girl on his arm, I guess he could not really be blamed, he had been running amidst thieves and liars for a while, and sadly so had I

"you're a natural, you know?" I said, genuinely smiling up at him "though I wonder how is it possible we have not been recognised yet" He shrugged, almost dropping the drunk man facade to give in to his usual stern expression

"They are going outside" He said with a note of fear in his voice, leading me to the door and back out into the cold garden chasing after Nina and her catch

"where are they going?"

"The treasury, it seems" We watched as a broad man lead Nina away from the Sacred Ash, i supposed out of some kind of religious respect, Nina was dressed as a whore and Djel forbids such a woman come close to a sacred place like that

"Let's go" Matthias began to lead me around the courtyard as well but I knew that was a sure way of wasting time and nothing more

"Keep straight, it's quicker and we won't lose sight of them" He seemed to hesitate but I just marched on, rolling my eyes "Honestly, we do not have time for this"

"Someone like you should not dare walk this close to sacred ground" I stopped, looking up at him

"Someone like me grew up worshipping the same gods as you did, even though my father attempted to drown me several times when I was barely five in respect to them." I said harsher than expected, then stormed off "hurry before we lose them" Matthias was oddly quiet as we caught up to Nina and her companion "who is that anyway?" I asked barely raising my voice

"Commander Jarl Brum" Matthias said grimly "lets go" The name was awful familiar, there was no way Nina did not know who that was, what was she playing at?

“why did he try to drown you?” Matthias asked in the same hushed tone as we stopped just out of sight from the guards keeping the treasury’s door

“Because he was not my real father anyway and my mother is one of the most powerful Grisha around”

“Beside the Darkling?” I sighed and nodded, unwilling to elaborate, he was about to ask another question when we heard a door slamming shut, we snapped into attention and rushed in after making quick work of the guards at the door, I raised my hands to do something, anything when I realised Brum had put Nina in a cell, I could use the water at the central fountain to drown him but before I could even begin summoning, I was kicked on the back, thrown forward on the floor

“Commander.” Matthias called, quickly kneeling beside me, keeping my hands pinned to the floor “there was another amidst their ranks” I widened my eyes, both surprised and scared, Matthias had sold both Nina and I back into their prison and there was no way I could make myself pass as another regular prisoner

“Good job, Matthias” Brum said, clapping him on the back, Matthias rose and before I could move, Brum had me handcuffed

“what are you going to do with the other witch?” Matthias asked dispassionately as he moved to watch Nina in her cell

“Sell her back to Ravka, they are looking for her” Brum said with a shrug “I do not seek to engage on war with them just yet, not after our queen for some reason Pledged for the new king”

“Sir?” Matthias looked back at us briefly “why would a creature like her matter?” Brum laughed and shook his head, forcing me to my feet then pushing me closer to Matthias

“Look closely at her, it’s hard to tell, but the resemblance is there, now with dark hair she would look just like…”

“It’s not possible” Matthias said with a frown “We have been gathering information on that man for the longest time, he has no family, no descendants no…”  
“Nothing relevant” I said, holding my chin up avoiding eye contact with him “But before he was a king, before he was the Darkling he was just a man, he had a mother and a sister, even if he never knew about me” I took a deep breath and looked at Matthias, calmly stating “My name is Yelena Morozova, daughter of Baghra Morozova and Fedyor Akerfelt, I’m the Darkling’s sister, and we are the last of Ilya Morozova’s bloodline.” The silence that followed my claim stuck around Matthias and I, hanging heavily between us even after we somehow managed to complete Kaz’s crazy scheme and leave Fjerda, freeing the Shu boy they had been looking for and Nina. Just to have her save all of our lives, we sat together taking turns to take care of her as she fought the high of whatever she had taken that allowed her to take down a whole army

“Are you going back to Ravka?” Matthias asked, not looking at me on one of the stretches of time in which Nina was deeply asleep, I nodded, quiet “are you going to help him?” I sighed and shook my head, moving to sit closer to Matthias

“I don’t think I will” I said simply then added “he doesn’t know what I can do and I don't know why is he looking for me...Ba-mom told me that the one time she had told him about another child she had given birth to, things ended badly for her, but there is no way of being sure if it was for his influence or mere bad luck…thing is she thought the less I knew of him and him of me, it was all the safer for everyone” Matthias gave a sharp nod, standing up 

“I’m going to get us something to eat...” He looked off before stating “You could stay with us, Nina and I, I mean, she will want to go back to Ravka even more so now that there are rumours of a civil war...we can keep you safe” I didn’t reply and he simply made his way upstairs, I stood up and began pacing the room, a promise to be kept safe was surely reassuring and still, I did not want to just be kept safe, running from place to place in fear of being caught, never making friends and never getting close to anyone, sure, The Darkling had learned loneliness at our mother’s knee, but I had learned it first hand, living it day by day as I ran as far as I could from the only home I ever knew, the closest I had ever had to a friend after that was what I had now with Nina and Matthias and still, I did not want to be kept safe. I wanted to be free.


	4. Part 1: Oceans Rise, Empires Fall

After the impossible heist Kaz had managed, we spent some weeks in Ketterdam, hiding. I could tell they were all equal parts worried about Nina and eager to get the Money that had been promised, but there was one issue, one I had seen solved, much to Kaz’s anger 

“The boy wanted to go to Ravka, I doubt we would have been able to stop him” Matthias said as he took seat on the spot next to mine, we had been a couple days back at sea in a small ship we had managed to pay for. It had been a bad day for Nina, she kept slipping in and out of consciousness, asking about him or me or even Zoya, I sighed, sure she was still alive but would this ever wear off?

“You know, I still find it funny you call him ‘boy’ you lot are all children in my eyes”  
“the look you gave me when we were on the glass bridge is not a look you’d give to a child, I hope” Matthias and I looked over at Nina she looked tired, but at least she was lucid

“Whatever you’re talking about?” Matthias asked, frowning

“She’s hallucinating! She was the one giving me looks, trying to get me to kiss her and whatnot” I said around a smile, moving closer to the stretcher where she laid

“Good to see you, Zenik”

“you too, Zova, what did I miss?” 

“well...apparently I’m taking you and the zealot back to Ravka” she tried to sit up but even that effort was too much, she laid back down heavily, I wiped the sweat from her brow and sent Matthias for some water 

“See I could kiss you but everything hurts, why are we taking Matthias?”

“Well...he wanted to come, for starters, I doubt he would leave you out of his sight”

“Or you, I was almost jealous of the look he gave you before leaving, maybe if I wasn’t so tired I’d pout and get you to hold me?” I laughed, at least she was in the mood for making jokes

“maybe so, he’s quite charming now that you’ve wrung out the genocidal tendencies out of him?”

“I’ll take that as a compliment as both him and myself” I smiled softly and kissed her forehead, barely touching the skin 

“It’s good to have you back”

“you can say that again” Matthias said as he walked back, carrying a tray with a little bowl for broth and a water cup “we have been worried sick for you”

“More sick than worried, we kind of bonded over the urge to kill each other during the first two days in the ship, actually” Nina stared at us, unable to tell if we were joking or not, she sighed and closed her eyes, nodding lightly 

“One of you is going to tell me what happened while the other helps me eat, go”

"Well..." I stood back, allowing for Matthias to step closer to Nina and help her drink some broth "it's not all that interesting honestly"

"you're lying" Nina said wearily "just tell me, I won't travel to Ravka if you don't tell me what is happening"

"well...problem number one, we are already on our way there along your Shu prisoner, Kaz thought it was better to keep him safe and well...He said he would figure the whole thing with Van Eck himself...problem number two is I don't know what will you think of me after this"

"whatever it is, unless you killed the last baby mermaid, I don't think I can be mad" I took a deep breath and glanced up to Matthias, he nodded once without looking at me

"I'm the Darkling's sister, as soon as we reached Ketterdam I pretty much demanded Kaz let you come along me and Kuwei since it seems Ravka is in the thick of a civil war and the Darkling killed the heir to the throne, ran the royal family out of Ravka and raised his banner as the new king" I didn't notice i was shaking until I looked down at my hands, feeling the burn of tears on my eyes "This all came on a letter from Baghra, she didn't even wait for the ink to dry before sending it she..." I sighed, looking off "urged me to never go back, then there was nothing, no news no...The Darkling marched on the little palace, I need to know if she's ok." Nina didn't speak for a while, she remained still with her eyes shut, I thought she had fallen asleep again when she spoke up

"So, your brother is the most powerful man in all of Ravka, Baghra is important to you for some damned reason and we are going to see which side are we on in a civil war?" I nodded, unwilling to meet her eyes, to my surprise she laughed, I looked up confused and she simply stated "damn, Yelena, you sure know how to sweep a girl off her feet, huh?" I laughed shaking my head

"only if you're the girl, Zenik...Matthias was not reluctant to come but he's been clear I should think carefully about which side am I staying on"

“I’m worried she’ll want to join a dictator, is that too bad?”  
“Well…” Nina began, sighing “this particular dictator is her brother so I can see a reason for her to join? Not a good one but…” Matthias scowled fiercely and shook his head

“I can’t. A dictator is still one regardless of the setting” I nodded along with his words, he was right and I didn’t want to join the Darkling, but “We’ll see what happens once we are there, I think, above it all, we would not want to be on the losing side of a war like this one”

We spent the rest of the trip speaking of more pleasant things, their past, my past in particular, where I had grown up in, how long ago was I trained as a tidemaker, how old I actually was, all the little nonsense people usually bond over on more regular settings

“what you said...about you father trying to drown you” Matthias finally inquired, looking at me curiously, Nina glared at him but I simply nodded taking a deep breath before forming the words

“I was too little to know any better not to trust him, he was my real father too, he had married some girl with which he hoped to have children, I suppose” I shrugged, looking off “didn’t happen, Baghra gave me to him in hopes to keep me away from my brother in case I turned out to be otkazat'sya, it didn't happen though but…I was young, too young for my powers to actually show themselves so I guess he did it out on shame? I mean, I was the illegitimate daughter he had had before marriage and even though his wife loved me I wasn’t really hers so...you know how that goes” I looked at him, smiling sadly “now look at me, I’m a tidemaker that cannot go for a swim on a hot day because I’ll freak out if I’m suddenly thrust underwater”

Matthias was silent for a while, then without a word stood up and wrapped me in a hug, speaking softly

“It was terrible, but you’ll need to let go of that fear some say, bluejay, or you’ll never reach your full potential”

“Bluejay, little red bird, do you have an obsession with birds I’m not aware of, you heathen?” Nina asked with a smile, watching us “You know, to my dismay you look pretty cute together, but, I think Lena looks better with me anyway” Matthias stepped back, frowning only lightly 

"This is not a competition, Nina." He said with a huff

"I know, I was just giving my not so humble opinion on the matter" she said with a shrug after which she winced "Saints, everything still hurts, how far away are we still from Ravka anyway?"

"just a couple hours, maybe less if we are lucky enough" I said, stepping up to the stairs "Stay here? I'll go see if the crew needs anything" I began climbing the stairs before they could oppose, they were good people and I was about to drag them into a war that was no one else's but my own, against my past and my present and what the future might be.

We arrived on Ravka not too long after, I had spent the last of the trip helping the ship move faster towards shore, much more harder to do without squallers, but nothing that could not be done, Matthias helped Nina get off the ship as soon as it dropped anchor, we were all eager to get to Os Alta, each of us for different reasons

"Zoya is going to be so surprised when she sees me mostly alive and breathing" Nina said merrily as we walked to the military checkpoint, our papers were read over a couple times, Kaz had done a wonderful job with the documents for Nina, Matthias and Kuwei, mine where the only genuine Ravkan documents in the Stack, we went through without much fuss, Grisha were always welcome more so since the new king was one as well and the civil war was taking toll on both armies the same, we were offered transport to the little palace which I encouraged Kuwei and Nina to take but I denied on

"I need to stop at Caryeva before getting to Os Alta, there's someone else I have to see there" Nina nodded reluctantly, she still was not doing well and she knew insisting on going would just put us all at risk, she kissed both my cheeks and Matthias's before getting in the carriage

"Don't take too long" She said, frowning a bit before muttering "no mourners" to my surprise, Matthias replied

"no funerals" and with that we headed off to another -mostly empty- carriage to begin the way to Caryeva

"you could have gone with them, you know?" I said as we settled into the cabin, looking out of the window "it's a short trip, I'm sure I could do it on my own" Matthias chuckled, stating

"last time someone heard that, you almost die, let me make sure it doesn't happen again" He said with the ghost of smile playing on his lips "please" I nodded and rested my head on my hand as the carriage began moving, my elbow no the windowsill, the short hours we were away from Caryeva seemed like days as we went, I wanted to see Baghra and make sure she was well, but first I had to see Tatyana

"I wasn't expecting customers this early on the day, honestly" Tatyana said, going about shutting all the blinds and locking the door after Matthias and I had stepped in "but I guess today has been full of surprises, hasn't it?" I nodded, going to sit on one of the chairs that was not occupied with whatever artifacts she was working on, or books she was reading, she stood in front of me, her expression seemed soft, almost sad as she stated "Yelena, he's already looking for you" I closed my eyes and nodded slowly, even though I had heard so in Fjerda, it was harder to hear it from her, taking a deep breath before instructing

"Tell me what I need to know, I need to get to Os Alta tonight" Tatyana nodded and began working as she caught me up on what had happened from Baghra's last letter until now, apparently to keep the letters from being tracked she would write Tatyana whom in turn would send back some tools or whatever seemed fit for the Materialki at the little palace, as well as forwarding the letter over to Ketterdam, however she could handle it, under the pretense of writing to a sister she had there.

"It was no easy job" She said as she worked on changing my eye colour, dangerous to be done all in one day as she had stated before, somehow I doubted it mattered "but I was glad to be of some help to that woman...anyway when thing began getting bad she came here herself, that was the last I saw her, then your wretch of a brother brought the whole place down and..." She sighed, her cool hands moving away from my face momentarily as she went about putting her things away, getting ready to blend the dye into my eyes, I simply frowned and blinked the drops away, looking at her, Tatyana didn't even protest

"What happened after that?" I had the feeling something terrible would be told to me next, but I didn't know what, I wasn't even sure I wanted to know, Tatyana kept talking, sitting beside me

"Nikolai managed to rescue some people, The sun Summoner was not amidst them, but we think she's alive, somewhere..." She dug around one of her pockets, handing me a slip of paper with Nikolai's neat handwriting in it along a letter, the letter was written by his hand as well, I couldn’t help but frown as I read it.

"Blind?" I asked numbly, looking at Tatyana "how..."

"he did it, The Darkling I mean, He got the information he needed from her and then left her for dead...if he hadn't been for Nikolai..." I didn't hear the rest of it, I stood up and began walking to the door "Yelena, she told him about you, it's not safe for you out there" I laughed, shaking my head

"It never will be not as long as he's out there, not as long as he's got control" I sighed, shaking my head "I don't know what Baghra told him, but hopefully it bought the sun summoner some time...I'm going to go see him" Matthias and Tatyana seemed to freeze at this, Matthias recovered first

"I don't think he will be kind to you, Lena"

"He won’t...but, he might need me, and besides, it's the only way I have to keep you, Nina and Kuwei safe" I walked up to a window and opened the blinds, taking a deep breath “so, no matter what, I'm coming home"

* * *

The next morning, we rode up to Os Alta in silence, mostly, I knew deep down that Matthias was thinking of ways to make me change my mind, but I had already made my choice.

"we could still go back" He finally said "Go to Ketterdam, hide there..."

"It won't work" I said with a sigh "if he already knows all there is to know about me, he will not stop until he has me"

"why?" Matthias seemed confused, poor man was no doubt trying to find a way out of all this mess, I leaned back on the carriage's seat and sighed

"Matthias, have you ever heard about Sainkt Ilya? Sankta Lizabeta? Sainkt Grigori? Juris?" I asked, closing my eyes "all grisha, martyred and forced into solitude by their great power...Ilya Morozova, however, did not stop when he understood the making at the heart of the world, he wanted more, wanted to create something powerful so that connection would not be lost, so that other grisha could experience it as well...so he created the most powerful amplifiers ever heard of"

"I've heard the story" Matthias said with a huff "the stag, Rusalye and the Firebird" He said with a wave of his hand "children's stories"

"they are mentioned there, but they are not just that" I said with a frown, opening my eyes "The Darkling has successfully hunted the stag and Rusalye, all he needs now is the Firebird, however, the tracker that helped with that died as they were trying to flee the palace when the Darkling attacked" I said, looking off "Malyen Oretsev was the last on the line of descendants from Morozova's perfectly normal daughter...he was perfectly normal too, just another otkazat'zya, but one with one hell of a tracking knack..." I rubbed my eyes, saints, I was exhausted, I had barely managed to sleep the previous night, but there was a job that needed urgently to be done and could be only handled with Tatyana’s help "If he died, The Darkling will need some help, someone to track the Firebird with the use of what little knowledge she might have coming directly from Ilya "

"You can't be saying what i think you are" Matthias said with...what was it? sadness? I couldn't really read him as well as the others

"There is no other way" I said with a resigned shrug "I’m not eager to do this, but it needs to be done, I’ve learned to take hard choices and let my arm bend when it needs be" He nodded, one sharp bob of his head only before speaking

"So you are going to help him? Have him finish his grand scheme? What of the sun summoner? He needs her too."

"Then, I can help him find the sun summoner and hopefully " I couldn't bear to look at him, I closed my eyes, leaning back against the back of the seat again before speaking "Hopefully figure out a way to save Ravka."

We arrived to the palace well into the night, we were informed Nina and Kuwei had been taken in to join the Darkling's ranks, Matthias didn't say anything at this, but his anger was noticeable, I urged him to stay at an inn while I spoke to the Darkling, but he refused completely, he surely needed to make sure Nina was fine. We were led in as soon as we reached the gates, directly to the throne room, it was strange to see the great palace surrounded by black banners and flags, the double eagle posed in front of the Darkling's sun in eclipse.

"well, well" I couldn't see him yet, we had just set foot in the throne room when his smooth voice flooded the space, one thing was to hear him speak when he went about his business in the little palace, it was a whole different thing to have him speaking directly to me "it's good to finally see you, Yelena" I finally saw him, sitting at the throne, dressed all in black as usual, but he looked somehow thinner, as if whatever he had been doing had taken a toll on him, it still fit him well enough, somehow. "Welcome back home, I expect you have been informed your friends are safe within this walls" I nodded, I was having a hard time finding my voice, Matthias rested his hand on my shoulder and I relaxed, still looking at the Darkling

"I'm certainly glad to hear so, Moi Soverenyi" I said with a small bow, The Darkling shook his head and spoke again as he got up, descending from the dais

"Please, don't do that, we are family after all, are we not?" He nodded at Matthias and instructed one of his Oprichniki to take him to Nina and Kuwei, ordering the rest to leave the room "after all" he stood in front of me now, his hand rested on the same spot Matthias's had been "my sister and I have a lot of catching up to do"


	5. Part 1: Oceans Rise, Empires Fall

The Darkling led me to a sitting area by one of the windows, the palace looked different, it felt different, I could see the places where the building had been damaged and then put back together. I sat as soon as I reached an armchair, the Darkling did the same, across from me, tilting his head curiously

"How much do you know about me?" There was no preamble, no dancing around the question, I sighed and looked at him, shrugging

"Enough, I know your name, what you had done up until I left Ravka after I graduated" I smiled a bit stating "I know you're a lot less observant than people give you credit for" to my surprise he chuckled and nodded

"I care enough about my students" He said slowly, giving a couple seconds of silence before adding "even if I don't memorise all faces"

"only the ones that are powerful enough, right?" This was something Baghra had told me, she never really taught me the full reach of my power until I was away and safe, using the kindness of strange Grisha to make sure no bit of it was wasted "I never really put any effort on my classes because of that"

"Because of Baghra, you mean" He said, his face suddenly serious as he mused "I always wondered how she managed to keep my secrets safe from the whole world...turns out she was keeping secrets from me as well" He stood, I was suddenly painfully aware he had no issue hurting Baghra, and we were alone in the room. "She only told me enough about yourself too" He said as guessing my question "your name, what you looked like, that you were much more human than I would ever be again..." He winced, as if the thought actually hurt him before looking back at me "That you were stronger and much more skilled than you look" he stood raised his hands in a sudden movement, darkness already pooling in them, my whole body jumped into attention I raised my hands, reacting on instinct, a sudden current of wind made him stagger back, enough to throw him off balance but not to actually hurt him, he looked at me, certainly interested, but not nearly as surprised as he would've been if he hadn't known 

"she did say you were skilled in more than one element...but I didn't quite believe her..." He chuckled as he fixed his clothes, shaking his head "squaller, tidemaker, inferni, all in the same line though, only a summoner at the end of the day" I frowned at this, I couldn't tell if he was trying to get a reaction from me or if he thought so little of something like this

"I never cared for Corporalnik work and barely put eny effort in Materialnik one" I said hotly "too risky, too many things to take into consideration before you can do something, one wrong move as a Corporalnik and you end up killing someone you were supposed to save, same as a Materialnik, you get some formulae wrong and end up poisoning yourself" I shrugged, brushing my hair back "so, why bother?"

"why bother, indeed" He said, sitting back down "and still what you do is quite impressive, the only other person I've ever met that can meddle with two orders is..."

"Genya Safin" I said with a shrug "Nina learned from her, but that’s af far as my contact with people as myself goes" I shook my head, enough with pleasantries, I needed answers and some rest, in case I didn't end up dead in the next couple minutes "you Killed the Stag and procured Rusalye for the Sun Summoner, but I heard she ran away with both amplifiers and the one tracker that could manage to find them what comes next?" He was quiet for a longer while now, studying me as if I was a particularly daft student.

"I need to find the Firebird, somehow" He said, shrugging "I know Ilya did not leave that scheme incomplete, but no one can figure out where to start, Baghra claims her father was on the way to find it when his martyrdom happened, but I have the feeling he didn't quite die there...I think he managed to complete the circle so all I have to do it to hunt it" I nodded, feeling suddenly relieved. Chances were Baghra didn't even know herself where the last amplifier actually was. Thinking about it, had to hear the whole thing from Ilya himself.

"And you were hoping to get some help from the family to do so?" I asked, raising an eyebrow 

"someone like you is a very strong asset" He said with a shrug "a team of three people is suddenly narrowed to one single person, so yes, I was hoping for your assistance" I nodded slowly, standing up to walk over to the window, the smashed remains of Baghra's hut were still visible by the lake, had he neglected to order them to be cleaned? Or were they a reminder?

"What happened to our mother?" I didn't look at him, out of respect I suppose, but also because I didn't know how would I react to his answer if he were to lie to me

"I confronted her" He said from somewhere behind me, his voice sounded smooth as ever, but there was a strange edge to it "she denied to tell me what she knew about the sun summoner when she ran away, then about you. When she did I realised she had been keeping me in the dark for much more longer before this whole thing so"

"So you decided to pay her with the same coin" I finished, shuddering, I looked back at him with more confidence on my voice that I really felt as I stated "I will stay and I will fight at your side, this is not what she would have wanted, but I also know this is the only way to feel some semblance of safety in this war, for me and the friends that came with me, but I hope you know she thinks you can still be redeemed...I know you are what Ravka needs, but you still have a lot of learning to do, regardless of all your experience. So I don't forgive you for what you did to her, and I do not see you as my brother right now but as a kid that has lost his way and needs help to find it again...I will help you, Aleksander" He closed his eyes, nodding slowly, he then stood up and waved me along, leading me to what looked like a war room

"Very well then, we have a lot of planning to do"   
  
In the end I was informed he was getting ready to travel to Fjerda, the Elbjen to be precise, we spoke well into the night, at some point some generals of his armies had joined us, the journey would be long and dangerous, but it had to be done

"You'll be coming with me" The Darkling said as the others walked out "after all, I might need some assistance in case they are ready for an attack" I nodded as I stood up, frowning a little 

"You'll have to promise me you wont hurt Alina, or Nikolai"

"Assuming the pirate prince is there" He said, rolling his eyes

"Privateer" I said out on usage and almost immediately cursed myself for it, he raised an eyebrow, sighing

"you're close to him, aren't you?" I nodded after hesitating a little before explaining

"I traveled several times with his crew, he's...a character, but I do have a fondness for him" to my surprise, he laughed

"Hopefully not the same kind of fondness every girl has?" I scoffed and shook my head

"not at all, he's more like a brother to me?"

"A brother..." he said, looking back down at his notes with a nod "so, no pleading for Baghra's life?" I sighed and looked off, shrugging 

"If she's there, I expect she's smarter than to try to fight me, or you...you more than me, honestly" I said looking at him “did you ever feel remorse, after hurting her?” He seemed to freeze at my question, being who he was, I doubt he was ever questioned on whatever he did, or that he offered explanations at all. The silence following my question dragged long enough to where I thought he would simply ignore me 

“so what if I did?” He finally breathed out, shrugging “it got me what I wanted and it cannot be undone, hopefully she was smarter this time around and…”

“what? found another place to stay? ran away? You know better than that, hopefully” I shook my head and walked to the door “I’m going to sleep”

“I suppose you must be tired, I’ll send someone with dinner to your room, unless you’d rather stay and join me for it?” I looked back at him, supposing I was to stay around, I had to be friendly to a degree 

“of course” I said, opening the door anyway “I’ll join you, but I don’t want to eat in this room, it feels too claustrophobic” He walked up to me, holding the door open as we walked out 

“Honestly? I know exactly what you mean”

We walked in silence to what must have been his quarters, everything was decorated in black, I couldn’t help but roll my eyes, to my surprise, he smiled

“you find me to be just like every other royal, right?” He asked around a chucklee

"I mean, the whole having your colours on every surface sure adds to that stereotype, yes" I said with a shrug "but I guess it makes a statement, you're the king, everything is yours" he nodded slowly, holding out a chair for me I sat and thanked him quietly as he sat as well, a maid soon walking over with a service cart, they waited in amiable silence while she placed plates and trays with food on the table as well as a chilled bottle of kvas before leaving, I smiled a little upon examining one of the trays

"Did you just happen to guess my favourite dessert is baklava or..."

"I didn't but it's my favourite" He said with a surprised huff "though I found out it was well into my years...speaking of, you're not much younger than I, are you?" I shrugged, taking a sticky piece of baklava

"I don't think so, I say 15 years younger, give or take" he was watching me with some disapproval, I raised an eyebrow with defiance "I'm also old enough to decide to have my dessert before and after dinner, Aleksander." He rolled his eyes and shrugged, trying to look nonchalant although I could tell having someone constantly call him by his name was still something strange, and yet, in respect to his privacy I only did it freely when I noticed no one was around, going about getting some herring on his plate

"I'm not disapproving of anything you do, Yelena, just quietly judging you" I shrugged and took a bite out of it, making a face at him

"not nearly as sweet as it should be" I looked down after realising he was back to quietly study me, his head tilted

"You know, you sound just like Baghra sometimes, even if you do not look like her"

"I think neither of us do, except for the eyes..." 

"Which is strange" He interrupted "albeit similar, her eyes weren't quite this colour" I nodded, quiet before sighing and advising 

"Ilya's were...all icons have them wrong, I guess to make him look more...human, but his eyes were just like yours or mines" his fork clattered against the plate as he let go of it

"You met Ilya?" I nodded hesitantly, tearing another piece of baklava and popping it into my mouth before speaking

"I did he...he taught me what I know about Materialnik work, said in his time the distinctions between the orders were not drawn at all, so...he taught me just enough" he nodded, going back to eat quietly as I added "he died not too long ago, or at least that was the last I heard, somehow I believe this time around it’s true"

"I suppose you’d know better than I" he shook his head, still not looking up "this will sound childish, but you were given the chance to grow up in a family and meet Ilya...seems a bit unfair to me" I couldn't help but laugh bitterly, shaking my head

"The Fjerdan man that raised me loathed me, tried to drown me once...the woman was better, kind and motherly enough. But after the little palace? I never knew a home, Baghra insisted on keeping me away, hidden, I met Ilya, sure, but she didn't plan it, I just happened to find him on the far edge of the Wandering Isle" I looked up at him, frowning "My life wasn't a bed of roses, either, Aleksander, even though it sounds like so" the silence following my words was tense and neither of us wanted to break it. He eventually let out a sigh after we were done eating

"My apologies I should have known your life hasn't been easy either. Knowing this actually makes my statement sound childish...but at least we have each other now?"

"not quite, I still haven't decided if I trust you fully, I just agreed to stay and help you because I have no other option, but I certainly doubt you'll expect me to call you brother and take your side on every discussion you might have, should you want to have me as part of your meetings"I downed the kvass he had poured for both of us, placing the glass on the table upside down "trust is earned" He nodded passively, his head resting on one of his hands as he spoke

"I better start to earn yours then"

* * *

In the end we left for Fjerda a few days later than expected, it had been weeks since we had arrived to Ravka, Nina, Matthias and Kuwei had been sent to a safer location since they were not quite fit for the battle we were about to face. I woke up on the morning we were due to leave to someone knocking on my door,I opened to find a maid carrying a dark blue kefta, the colour closer to black than blue, the embroidery that would have been blue for any other tidemaker was gold on mine, matching the fur on the inside, unsure of what to make of it I just thanked the girl and went about dressing, walking down to meet with the rest of the team as soon as I was ready, I was surprised to find very few Grisha and a large group of Oprichniki

“This is the whole team?” I asked, standing beside Aleksander as we waited 

“It is, it’s enough, I think, you’ll travel with me” I nodded, looking back at the other people as I spoke 

“I’m horribly mismatched with your other Etherealnik”

“On purpose, you’re not like them, Yelena, you should stop pretending you are” He didn’t look at me at all as he spoke, he seemed to be reading over some official documents, I guess even on the eve of a battle, state matters awaited “Or you’ll end up believing you’re just what you pretend to be, you could be much more” I couldn’t help but smile, shaking my head

“you know...It’s weird you never knew Ilya, right now, you sounded just like him” now he looked up, shaking his head "Whatever you say, I guess its hereditary?"

"Suppose so...when are we leaving?"

"Soon, the Fjerdan government is not opposed to us entering the border"

"Surprising, I suppose you're working with them?"

"They are working with me" He said with a shrug "I understand you spent some time at the Ice Court?"

"Mmhm, I did, and I made it out alive" I frowned, shaking my head "Al-what they do there is horrible, Darkling, why did you agree to work with them?"

"I agreed because they have more fire power in one battalion than the whole First Army put together" He said simply, handing the now signed documents to a servant before giving me a look at how I almost slipped his name "I hate what they do to our kind but..."

"You want to subdue them, too, don't you?" I asked quietly, he nodded 

"Will you ask my mercy for them too, Yelena? Knowing what they have done to our kind?" I sighed, looking down, I thought of how easily I had been tricked and how that could happen just to anyone

"No, I don't think I will."

"Glad we agree on that, at least"

It took us little over a week to reach Fjerda and a couple more to get to the base of the mountains known as the Elbjen, it had been a long trip in which Aleksander and I had grown to know as much as possible about each other, as much as we were willing to share anyway. I was surprised to notice we were both warming up to each other. When we finally reached the base of the mountain I watched as the Oprichniki and the other Grisha began the ascent, The Darkling and I waited at the bottom

"Are you planning on making a grand entrance?" He smiled faintly and nodded 

"Is there any other way of announcing your victory?" He stood up straight, I was surprised to find that even with his winter coat, he managed to look elegant as he walked, motining me to follow after him "clear the mist, will you?" I nodded and moved my arms on a sweeping motion to summon a current, the mist parting and giving us a clear view of the first couple miles of mountain "You're holding back" He said, accusatory

"Well...if I blow the mist and clouds away, I fear your grand entrance will fail...are you sure she's here? It looks very...inhospitable"

"I know she's here along your Privateer Prince and Baghra" He said with a nod "trust me, the place is designed to look like this"

"I will trust you, just on this, for the sake of getting away from this place as soon as possible"

"Are you cold?"

"Always, I just want to leave because I find the scenery boring" I said with a huff, he took a couple steps back and I realised he was getting ready to summon

"So, will I finally see your so mentioned Nichevo'ya?"

"Finally, give me a minute" He was quiet for a couple seconds before bringing his hands together as he normally would to summon darkness, but even before the monsters began to form I shuddered feeling the wrongness of it, it felt like he had tore a hole in the fabric that made the world be and drew the monsters directly from the depths of whatever laid beneath it, I felt the strain he suffered to pull each of them into existence and I was surprised to see he didn't relent no matter how increasingly difficult it became for him to form each soldier

“You’re going to kill yourself, Aleksander” I said worriedly, in a hushed tone so only he could hear me, despite the freezing air blowing around us, I could see a thin sheen of perspiration cover his forehead

“No, not yet anyway” He extended a hand to me, I frowned but held onto it, letting out a surprised yelp as the monsters curled around us lifting us from the floor seemingly effortlessly, even through the thick layers covering me I could feel the wrongness of the touch, it was like having hundreds of insects crawling all over me, which was worse, Merzost was something I never thought I’d see first hand, and yet, here I was, it took all I had to keep myself from squirming and a bit more to not ask him just to let me walk, the seemingly endless stairs looked much more welcoming now “I’ll drop you off where the rest of the team will be entering, make your way to me, I hope this will be easy enough, but I still might need your help”

“Very considerate of you to drop me on the thick of the battle” I said with some scorn, he just huffed and shook his head, smirking

“Could’ve been worse” He said tauntingly “I could have made you walk” Although I doubted that would have been worse, I nodded quietly. He dropped me off in what looked like a main entrance, to my surprise it was completely undefended, I supposed the nature of whatever this place was, had made them drop their guard “be careful, and quick, they might try to run” as soon as my feet were firmly on the ground the monsters let go of me, for a moment it seemed like the whole world was spinning and I feared I would have to lead the others looking like a sick peasant, I took a couple deep breaths, ignoring the way the freezing air stung my lungs, when the others reached my spot I was mostly composed

“We are ready, Soverenyi” one of the Oprichniki called and I nodded, ignoring how odd it was to have The Darkling’s men address me like that, turning to face the gate, I thrust my hands forward throwing it open with a wind current 

“Let’s give them some fight, then” I said, stepping in to the sound of voices giving cries of alarm to the rest of the place, I swallowed hard against my hesitation, for better or worse, the people behind me needed a leader. I helped open a path as much as I could, eventually my powers became more of a danger than help and I decided it was time to join Aleksander, I was rushing up a flight of stairs when I felt a hand gripping my wrist, I balled my free hand on a fist, ready to hit whoever was holding onto me, my heart sank when I came face to face with Baghra

"I know you at least are better than to turn against your own mother" She said, even though her eyes were gone I could feel her glare "what are you doing here? You're not safe"

"I'm with Aleksander, madraya" I said with a trembling voice, she seemed to reel back at this, she began walking up the stairs with a steady pace, almost as if the news had lifted all her years from her shoulders 

"I tried so hard to hide you from him, I guess I forgot one of the main rules of the science, like calls to like" she huffed as we reached the top of the stairs, the wall in front of us opened in a balcony, the sounds of fight and The Darkling's voice pouring in from it "Lead me to him, then, we are long overdue for a family meeting." I couldn't move yet, I closed my eyes and she tugged on my wrist "go on then, Yelena"

"He's not going to win" I said, shaking my head "when I spoke to Ilya..."

"Your grandfather was a horrid man, but wise enough and hopefully not deranged when you met with him, but I don't see..." I interrupted her clasping both her hands with mine

"Madraya, please listen just this once" I said, the urgency on my voice must have been enough to tell her something was wrong, she nodded.

"Speak, then, make it quick" I heard the sound of a girl crying out, demanding Aleks let go of someone then the awful sounds of his monsters feeding

"Ilya explained to me everything about the last amplifier, he never caught the Firebird, when your sister, Sophyia died on that day, the power he used to bring her back was the one that was meant for the Firebird, that's how he created those amplifiers, killing the creatures and bringing them back to life...since the life on her end of the bloodline was so short, the power just went on generation through generation, the last one he had any track on was long ago, a kid named Valentin Oretsev..." I cut short when I heard Nikolai screaming, I began leading Baghra to the balcony, trembling "the tracker that was with the Sun Summoner was the last of that bloodline. He died but power like that is not destroyed, it just goes on to another vessel and…”

"No." Baghra said, shaking her head "Ilya was wrong, It can't be so, it can’t be!"

"It is so" I said as we stepped out, I saw the Nichevo'ya swarm around a small group of people amidst which the Sun Summoner stood, Aleksander still was carried by the monsters "If he wants to finish what he started he will have to kill me"

"Kill you..." she said, her voice trembled even so slightly as we stood on a bridge, closing on the fight, the Nichevo seemed to freeze once Baghra was close enough "foolish girl, he will not stop, not for you, not for anyone." Her voice was barely a murmur, but I could hear the desperation and hurt in it, she wanted to save us both, Aleksander from becoming a monster and me from giving my life for it. I sighed, shaking my head, she was as foolish as she thought I was being if she thought that possible.


	6. Part 2: The Swan’s Song

The Sun Summoner was a young girl, I didn't think she was any older than Matthias or Nina, 18 at the most and already in a war that was too much to handle for her, she seemed scared when she looked over at Baghra and I as we walked, Baghra patted my hand, reaching to hold onto the stone railing of the bridge

"Go back to your brother, then, and pray the saints keep your secrets safe" her voice was merely a whisper, she smiled even so slightly, something I'd seen so rarely that made my heart ache, her words felt almost like a farewell "I love you, go, then" I sighed and whispered 

"I love you too" I said in a whisper and walked closer to the stone’s ledge, closer to The Darkling.

"You should have taken her away from the fight" I couldn't tell who he was speaking to, my mother or myself? I was too busy watching the people we had been fighting, I didn't think any of them was older than 20, I thought back at the bodies I had jumped over to get to where I stood now. What had I done?

"I asked her to bring me here, I wanted to meet your monsters" Baghra said, breaking the silence "They know me, these children, like calls to like, after all" there was something about her voice that rubbed me the wrong way, her parting words to me, the way she was touching the stone, the Nichevo themselves, like she wanted to hold onto the last bit of this world before something else happened

"Go back inside, old woman" Aleksander spoke now, almost pleadingly, only almost, he was too prideful for that "My soldiers will not harm you, we'll take you back to the little palace, rebuild your hut"

"My hut, my fire, sounds a pleasant thing" I saw her hands begin to pool with darkness as she spoke, I took a step towards her without meaning to "but I find the darkness is the same wherever I go" She seemed to look straight at me again, the dark pools of her eyes seemed to be letting out curls of smoke, were those tears? "Yelena. Do what you think is best, but I hope you won’t regret it" She then looked at Aleksander, her words seemed to echo in the quiet "Know that I loved you" She said as the ribbons of darkness poured from her hands, wrapping around each shadow soldier she could reach "know it was not enough." I saw what happened next in slow motion, with the grace of a woman much younger than she was she hurled herself over the edge, I could feel the weight of her body cutting down the air as she fell, Aleksander and I screamed at the same time, he went after her, when I found it in me to react, I knew it was too late to do anything. Our mother was gone. I stood frozen in place until I realised the Sun Summoner and the people with her were attempting to escape using some sort of flying craft, I frowned, baghra's words still seemed to echo around me. I knew what I was going to do, but did I really think it was the best?

My feet and hands moved before I could find an answer to that question, the Oprichniki that were left were fighting their way into the craft, and still their efforts seemed useless. I spotted a couple squallers on the ship already and realised it might be too much for me to handle. I stopped just far enough of the fight to avoid being pulled into the crossfire and frowned, all this could not go to waste, I heard the people on the craft calling orders and saw another group jump off, the ship gained momentum and was about to leave the mountain, raising my hands I used the sparks from the different guns being fired to cast an arch of flame through the air and set the sails on fire, I cried out my frustration when another inferni send the flames away, standing on the edge of the ship to face me. I ran even closer to the ledge, staggering to a stop when a gunshot hit me on the side, meaning to or not, someone had managed to stop me, the time for subtleties was over, I raised my hands, moving them in a circle at my sides and cried out in both pain and with the effort it took me to call a current strong enough to drag the ship back

"Take her down!" someone called amidst the crowd, another bullet hit my calf, my shoulder, one flying by grazing my cheek, the pain was increasing, but it didn't matter, Baghra was dead and I was doing what I thought was right. I felt Aleksander join the fight more than seeing him, the shadow army he had conjured swept through the crowd and left no one other than myself and his Oprichniki standing, they reached the ship and finished dragging it back, as soon as I relaxed my arms, I curled to the ground, I hurt and I couldn't help but stare at the blood pouring from the different spots that I had been shot on, I whimpered weakly when a couple Nichevo lifted me from the cold ground

"It's over, Alina" Aleksander called out at the white haired girl, the rest of the crew that had been with her still struggled on the arms of the shadow soldiers, I could barely register the defeat on the Sun Summoner's face "we are going home." Then everything went black.

When I came back to my senses I realised I was sweating, one of the Corporalnik Aleksander had brought with him was finishing taking care of one of the bullet wounds on my side, I tried to sit up but was pushed back down none too gently I frowned, struggling to look at the person pushing me back

"Stay down, you'll tear the needle out" I looked down at my arm, taking in the slender fingers pressed to my bicep

"Needle? did I lose that much blood?" I looked up, Aleksander's face was grim, and still he seemed elated by his victory, and still, the glance he gave me was less than kind, I wondered what hurt him the most, that Baghra had taken this step to attempt to stop him or that I hadn’t made a move to save her, maybe even that he couldn’t help her himself 

"You did, luckily you had a compatible donor nearby?" I almost rolled my eyes but soon realised my head hurt too much for that, plus I didn’t want to stir whatever dark feeling he had towards me any further 

"what did I miss? Where are we?" He looked around sighing, his hand finally retreating from my arm 

"One of the lower living quarters in the Spinning Wheel, we needed to get you stable before making the trek down" I nodded and closed my eyes again, asking

"What happened?" I felt him retreat his hand, felt a slight tug at the needle and supposed he had adjusted his position before speaking

"You know, the Corporalnik taking care of the transfusion was almost too surprised I had offered to accept, I suppose my power makes it look as if i'm barely human at all, I wonder what did they think ran through my veins"

"tar, possibly. Where's the Sun Summoner? Where is Nikolai?" My head was beginning to spin, still I sat up, a hand holding the needle in place “Please tell me they’re alright”

“Fine enough.” He said with an odd edge to his voice “About Baghra…”  
“I want to see Nikolai.” I said “I didn’t see him on the fight at all”

“He wasn’t, I fear he was otherwise busy…” He looked off, shaking his head “He’s still unconscious”

“You said you wouldn’t hurt him”

“I didn’t, just made sure he wouldn’t want to cross me again” I frowned and tried standing up, my whole body ached but I felt steady enough, stepping to his side I carefully removed the needle from my arm, letting it fall 

“I want to see him” He scowled as he looked at me, removing his needle as well 

“You want to make sure he’s alive? Fine, I’ll take you to see him and the girl, but I believe after our stunt here they will be too angry to consider you anything other than an enemy” I frowned, I knew he was telling me the truth, if I had been in their place I would be pretty angry at me too `I hope you don’t regret it´ Baghra had said, but this whole thing was starting to look bad, for me, for the Sun Summoner, for Ravka, why had I agreed to stand by The Darkling? I followed him quietly, trying not to think the whole thing over too much, what was done couldn’t be changed, Baghra was gone and I had kept the girl from escaping, I had jumped into a bottomless river and I could just hope whatever course it would take me would be the right one. The rooms in the spinning wheel had been repurposed as makeshift holding cells there were two guards stationed outside each, Aleksander kept a relentless pace, I was feeling winded after just a few feet of walking but didn’t complain, I felt he would just use it as an excuse to bring me back to my room we got to the far end of a corridor, I could hear NIkolai’s voice on the other side of a beautifully carved door, Aleksander gave a nod to the guards and they opened it, Nikolai was sitting with one of the squallers that had tried to run off with the sun summoner and the white haired girl herself, they immediately quieted down as soon as the door opened.

“So, are we getting a death sentence finally?” the dark haired girl asked, The Darkling merely shook his head, motioning me forward

“No, my sister wanted to speak to you” Nikolai rolled his eyes, nodding 

“well, she can stay as long as she wishes but you have to leave” To my surprise Aleksander left, I heard the door getting locked and sighed

“Nikolai, listen…” He raised a hand, I was surprised to see the veins on his hands stand out in black, paying closer attention to him i realised it was something going around all over his body

“I don’t know what he told you or why did you believe him being as smart as you are and I’m not going to question it, however, I hope you realise you’ve doomed Ravka”

“No, nothing like that, but I didn’t know of a better way of getting you” I said with a sigh “In some way, I’m lucky you’re here with the Sun Summoner”

“The name’s Alina. Do you expect me to believe you pulled all this to get to us?” the white haired girl seemed furious and I couldn’t really blame her, I shrugged, I wasn’t sure why I had stopped them, or why I had offered to help The Darkling, but somehow keeping the Sun Summoner seemed right “You better start explaining then” I took a deep breath and nodded 

“Well, I guess an introduction is unnecessary now, but still feels like it’s necessary, My name’s Yelena Morozova, as you heard I’m The Darkling’s sister and well...I know how to complete Ilya’s scheme” I sensed their surprise, but only Alina seemed relieved to hear what I said

“You’re speaking about finding the Firebird aren’t you? we were going to do so but…”

“You’re missing a tracker, I know” I sighed and looked at Alina, she was younger than I thought, probably not even 19 yet and it saddened me all the suffering that she had gone through to get to where she was now “Who killed the stag?” I said, reaching to touch the antlers at her neck, she sighed and looked off

“Your brother did, I helped kill the Ice Dragon...when he killed the Stag, it gave him some power over my summoning, but in exchange I got the thinnest sliver of control over his powers, I mean I cannot make him summon like he makes me but…”

“I understand...I don’t think he would have killed Rusalye, if it had come to that, only because even if it had given him more power over you, it would have given you more power over him as well” She nodded, letting out a humourless chuckle

“yeah, I imagined as much,” she said, sighing “so I guess there is no option but to have me kill the firebird to claim it’s power...but where to find it? And how? Only Mal could have…” I saw her eyes brim with tears and couldn’t help but give her a reassuring pat on the shoulder

“We’ll figure it out, I’ll find it for you, but you’ll have to trust me”

“trust you? after what you did? you’ve got to be kidding, either that or what they say about blondes is true” Now the black haired girl spoke up, her stance hadn’t relaxed since I had walked into the room “No offence, but that’s dumb, even for Alina”

“that’s enough, Zoya” Nikolai spoke up “I see what Yelena is saying, somewhat, and I agree, but I will not trust you as much as I used to” He said looking at me “I hope you’re aware of that”

I nodded, relieved that at least he was giving me a chance “Thank you”

“don’t thank them too fast” Zoya said, still frowning They might be soft and willing to work with you, but I’ll be keeping an eye on you, and won’t hesitate on bringing you down if need be” I nodded somehow even her resolution seemed to say I was moving in the right direction

“That’s fair enough”

* * *

We didn’t leave the Spinning Wheel until all who had been hurt had recovered, it took a couple weeks on which I had seen Aleksander rarely, I hadn’t done much, in all, I just focused on resting and read an old book of religious parables that Baghra had in her room, not entertaining at all, but it had been hers and it made me feel closer to her presence somehow. I had been informed we would be leaving that same afternoon, taking advantage of the flying crafts Nikolai had designed, the trip back to Ravka would be faster, at least for us, I dressed up on some clothes one of the soldiers had procured for me, walking up to the hangar where Nikolai and Aleksander worked side by side to coordinate the departure

“Your brother thinks I can’t be left alone, it seems” Nikolai said as soon as I was close enough “fear a mutiny or something like that!”  
“Well, you can’t really mutiny on land, can you?” I asked happily standing by his side, I didn’t miss the look Aleksander gave us as he went about working “how are things going?” 

“well...as good as they can go for a captive man? I mean I can’t really complain, I’m a very well fed and warm prisoner, I could use more pastries and tea though”

“Hm. I’ll see what I can do about that” I said with a nod “but I can’t promise much” He chuckled and nodded 

"I hope you don't mistake this friendly exchange for me having forgotten about what you did to the sun summoner, or what The Darkling did to me" Nikolai said still holding his amiable smile "I just know how to recognise when I've been defeated" I couldn't deny his words hurt me even so slightly, I'd known him since he had just started going around as Sturmhond and I was kind of saddened to have spoiled that friendship the way I did, but I just hoped I could find a way to make it up for him

"No, you recognise opportunity" I said looking around "You're going back to Ravka as a prisoner but intend to use every last bit of your cunning to be welcomed as a king, don't you? Impossible has never been a word that you use frequently...or at all" He smiled and shook his head

"you know me, but I think that's a bit impossible right now, all the forces around here are your brother's besides Zoya, the twins and Alina I have nothing" I nodded sighing, he was right but that meant so little, even more so around him

"well, be careful then" I said, walking off to meet with Aleksander "I wouldn't want to see you thrown off one of those ships." The Darkling stood at the edge of the hangar, looking off into the sky, he didn't turn to face me when I stopped to look at him from a few feet behind him

"Do you miss her?" He asked and I knew he was talking about Baghra, sure I felt her absence, but was that the same as missing her? I realised after a few seconds of introspection that I was actually feeling pretty sad about it, present or not, she had been my mother and she had tried her best to keep me safe, still I wasn’t about to go teary eyed in front of him, although I needed nothing more than a good cry and a hug

"I do, in a fashion, but I'm not sure I can really miss someone I so rarely saw" He nodded and waved a hand, indicating I should move closer, I did so, reluctantly, from where he stood it was impossible to see the bottom of the mountain, he was standing perfectly still, his face turned upwards letting the sun warm him, the light casting shadows on the sharp lines of his face. He was quiet for a minute, then inquired

"If I asked you to step off the ledge and promised to not let you fall, would you do it?" I didn't respond right away, looking down, I couldn't help but scoff

"I honestly don't think I would, that's a lot of trust and a long way down" I said around a nervous laugh, to my surprise he smiled and nodded

"at least you're smart enough"

"Or not too trusting, I guess either option has kept me alive so far, huh?" He nodded, finally looking at me

"I'll be on a ship with Nikolai and one of his squallers, you'll keep command of the other, you'll be taking Alina with you" he looked back at the hangar, seeing Nikolai finish with preparations "It'll take a day or so to get to Ravka if we travel non stop" I nodded, and looked up at the sky, after being carried by his monsters, flying on one of Nikolai's crafts seemed almost normal 

"I just hope your squallers can keep up." He chuckled and was ready to leave when I asked in an almost shy voice "did you see when she...Baghra I mean...when she hit the ground" He stopped dead on his tracks, when he turned back to me I could see the pain looking back at that caused him, sure he had mastered his expressions and body language to where it shown no resemblance of what was actually going on inside of him, but his eyes told no lies

"I did" he said with a nod "but there was...even if we wanted to bury her, there was nothing really...it would have been impossible" He concluded with a sigh, I nodded and sighed, I didn’t know what I was expecting, but I wasn’t sure it had been that.

“Brother” I called out, he turned to face me, there was some emotion sparkling in his eyes that I couldn’t quite recognise, I smiled a little and asked, “What if I asked you to step off the ledge? Would you?” He huffed and turned, walking off 

“I would” he stated simply. I stared at him, not finding the words to react to that, I let him go on his way. 

We finally were ready to leave, one of the other squallers that spent more time practicing advised me of what I was expected to do, just keep a constant current on my assigned sail, it was going to be undoubtedly exhausting but at least easy enough, I didn’t see Alina again until she was boarding the craft, she looked still shaken, be it for getting on the craft of for being taken captive. I was surprised when she went to stand by my side, looking off into the sky

“You know, a lot of trust if placed on you, and Nikolai’s creations” She looked at me, surprising me with a smile “but I guess if we fall, we fall, huh?” I smiled and nodded, giving a shrug

“I wouldn’t let us fall though” I said in what I hoped was a reassuring voice, se nodded and took a seat directly under my sail

“you know? Surprisingly enough, I believe you”

It took us a little over a day to make it back to the grand palace, it was late into the night when we started the descent, my arms were shaking and I crumbled to the floor as soon as the craft was safely on the lake, all the other squallers did pretty much the same, Alina helped me to my feet as we were pulled to the shore to get off, I had to lean on her as we walked to the repaired Little Palace, The Darkling and Nikolai 

“Quick to make friends, aren’t you, Starkov?” Zoya called from somewhere behind us, Alina turned to face her, frowning

“I don’t see anything bad on it” she said simply “we’re stuck here anyway and she said she’d help us find the Firebird so, that’s something” I smiled sadly, knowing that really the affinity she felt towards me was rooted on the amplifiers she was wearing begging to be brought together with the power residing in my bones, I couldn’t really be mad at the poor girl

“whatever you say” Zoya tried to push away from the Oprichniki helping her, but it was obvious her legs were still too worn out for that, I couldn’t help but smile a bit, maybe if we all had a bit of her fire neither of us would be in this situation. I fell into an exhausted sleep that night, it felt weird to be back to the Little Palace but still it was the closer to a home I had ever known, so it somehow felt right to be there, even if it was for a short while. 

After what seemed to be days without any news, Aleksander called me and Alina for a meeting early in the morning, I was surprised when we were led to the throne room where a very happy looking Nikolai waited for us

“good morning ladies!” He greeted cheerfully, an annoyed looking Zoya sat at his side “I’m glad to see you both are still sticking with your bold fashion choices” Alina was wearing the same summoner blue as I was, but her kefta had golden sunbursts in the place of buttons and it was embroidered in gold, mine was missing the sunbursts, but was still embellished with golden embroideries and the Darkling’s symbol, both unique combinations on their own right, all on their own reasons, I smiled and nodded

"Afraid so, all my clothes have been designed like this, I'm afraid the same happens with Alina" I walked over to the samovar at the back of the room as Alina nodded, I poured a couple cups of tea and walked back to the table handing one to her "why were we called up so early?"

"same thing I'm wondering honestly" Nikolai stated curiously watching as Alina put sugar into her tea

"Oh, I assumed you know, seeing as you were here first and looking as if you’ve been awake for hours instead of a couple minutes" I said reaching for some honey and lemon to add to my own cup, Nikolai shrugged and reached to take the cup from me

"Hate to disappoint but I do not. And just for the record I'm offended you didn't bring me some tea, honestly" I rolled my eyes, taking the cup back 

"You can pour your own" I said, taking a sip of the tea before adding more honey to it

"Yeah, you're right, you've ruined it already anyway" he retorted, walking to the back of the room as The Darkling walked in, preceding a maid with a service cart

“I suppose you’d appreciate some breakfast” He said, letting the girl walk up to the table and set up an arrangement of fruits and pastries, as well as some savoury foods before excusing herself out of the room

“What we’d appreciate the most are some answers, Darkling” Nikolai said sipping his tea, still standing at the back of the room “Is not every day I’m called to the war room this early in the morning on a weekend” Aleksander frowned but gave a single nod, he sat and took his time before starting to talk 

“Shu Han has declared war on us” He said, frowning “I suppose having the Fjerdans with us was the grain of rice that finally tipped the scale” Nikolai nodded slowly, taking a slow sip of his tea and stated almost disinterested 

“Well, you’re the king, you need to figure this out” I felt the tension in the room rise, Alina was frowning, looking at the pastry she had been taking apart as she spoke

“He needs us” Aleksander looked at her, his own brow furrowed “The first army won’t follow a Grisha king and without the deserters of the Second Army that declared for our cause, he’s pretty much left defenseless...if not for the few Grisha at his side and the Oprichniki...” The Darkling nodded, it looked like the movement was paining him, was it so awful to need help? Zoya spoke up next, standing up from her seat 

“Well, if that’s the case we are done here, I will not fight in a war started from some man’s arrogance” The Darkling stood up, openly glaring at her, before he could say anything Nikolai slammed his cup of tea on the table, seeming absent minded 

“So…” he looked up at the four of us, calmly “as far as I see it, we are all still Ravkan and we all want what’s better for our nation...” Aleksander and Alina gave a single sharp nod almost in unison, my own head bobbed in agreement if even so slightly, Zoya remained unmoved “well, I think what we need now it’s unity, The Grisha can keep the throne, but they will have to take in a rather nosy advisor, rarely knows how to keep his mouth shut, but I suppose that comes from being a former crown prince” We all fell silent at what he had just said, albeit resolute, Alina looked troubled at what Nikolai had implied, Aleksander’s eyes were narrowed, perhaps not quite believing this had been so easy, I was feeling pretty dumbfounded myself, luckily Zoya was the first to talk

“So, a cute happy family with The Sun Summoner and The Darkling ruling, a bastard prince as an advisor...” she gave a shrug, clearly annoyed “I fail to see why was I called into this meeting if I would get no input on it” Nikolai sighed and looked at Aleksander, nodding 

“As much as I hate to admit it, Zoya has a point, your sister and herself haven’t gotten much input on...anything really” The Darkling sat back down, some tension had left his frame, but still he looked ready for a fight, apparently the delicate matters to be discussed were not over yet

“We still need to find the Firebird” He said matter of factly “and even though I intend on having a team go with them, I think two powerful squallers are better suited to take such a thing down without killing it” I frowned, looking over at him

“So, you still intend to destroy the fold?” He frowned and shook his head, looking at me

“No, that was Alina’s plan, what I intend to do is use it as a weapon, gaining full control of the fold means no army will ever be strong enough to stand against us”

“Against you” Alina corrected “I...I will do this only because this country has seen enough war and I know on your own you stand no chance against the Shu, but as soon as we have the Firebird, I’ll destroy the fold” She looked up at Aleksander, then at me, her face looked defiant, resolute, she knew nothing but pain had ever been generated by it “and if you try to stop me, I’ll see you hang myself” Aleksander was clearly angry, but I saw reason in Alina’s words, there was no way of marching the fold anywhere without dividing Ravka even more in its wake, I walked over and placed my hands on her shoulders, standing behind her 

“I get it” I said softly ”I think we can all agree using the fold is a terrible idea, there is no way of using it that will not hurt Ravka any more that it had already done” 

“So you’re against using it, too?” Aleksander asked, his frustration was clear on his face, I supposed he was expecting me to stand with him, not against him, but using the fold made no sense to me, I nodded slowly, keeping my gaze on his

“I think it’s the best for Ravka and its people that the fold it’s destroyed” I stated calmly “the country has been divided for too long, it needs unity to be able to stand a chance on this or any war to come, so…” Aleksander held my gaze for what seemed to be an infinite amount of time and finally nodded 

“Whatever the three of you think is best then” I had the feeling he would try and outsmart us on this as soon as we had the Firebird, luckily I knew I was several steps ahead, at least on that.

“Very well then” Nikolai said, sitting on the chair directly in front of The Darkling “Let’s plan, I’ve seen enough wars to know a wedding will be much more difficult to put into action”


	7. Part 2: The Swan's Song

In the end, the wedding was nothing more than a name put to the alliance of two very powerful Grisha, Alina did not wear a wedding gown or a Kokoshnik, My brother did not change out of his everyday clothes, they knew this was something that had to be done, not something that they wanted, or at least I was sure Alina did not want any part of this, but the fraction of the second army that had followed her and the zealots that had formed another type of army moved by faith would not stand into the fight unless The Sun Summoner was appointed queen, The Darkling did not want to step off the throne he had so long fought for, plus we would be losing Fjerda’s support if he did, Nikolai was sure he could seize the throne again somehow. We seemed to be going to war while barely keeping the life in the grand palace peaceful.

I was sitting outside one morning, the weather had turned and the sky was dark despite it being well after sunrise, Alina approached me, offering one of the apples she had been holding on her hands

“Your brother says you shouldn’t be outside on your own” She said, sitting on the grass beside me as she took a bite of her own apple “I suppose he’s afraid a khergud will come out of nowhere and take you away” I huffed, taking a bite of my own fruit before replying 

“I would like to see them try, I suppose they would put up a bit of a fight but...I don’t think they are fire or lightning proof” Alina smiled and nodded, looking off as she spoke

“Are you always this oddly optimistic?” I looked at her and shook my head

“not at all, for instance I was sure you would never forgive me for having stopped you, and yet here we are, I have as many insecurities as the next guy, I just don't let it show” She was thoughtful for a while, eventually she looked at me, a smile playing on her lips

“At least you took the friendly approach, I don’t think it would be possible for Ravka to handle two darklings” I laughed at that, nodding my agreement and shrugged

“I can’t really be a darkling if I can’t control darkness, can you imagine how hard to explain the name would be without having the power?” She chuckled and nodded

“I suppose you have a point…” another bout of silence, somehow it was comforting instead of awkward, I was just beginning to wonder what could take so long to meditate when she spoke “you’re about as old as he is, aren’t you?” I nodded, raising an eyebrow curiously as she hesitated her next question “do you remember when the fold was created?” 

“I do” I said with a shrug “but I was not there, he didn’t know of my existence back then and Baghra wanted to keep it that way...so I just remember Ravka before and Ravka after the fold, whatever he did to create such a huge tear in the universe will remain a mystery unless he agrees to tell you” She sighed and looked up at the sky nodding 

“I was expecting that answer and still am slightly disappointed, I suppose I want to know how he got to the point of wanting to re-create Ilya’s experiments” I chuckled 

“Don’t we all? but alas, I think that will be information he will take to the grave, if he ever dies” I closed my eyes, laying down on the grass, it was starting to drizzle but it was not too annoying yet to where we would need to head inside “how old are you, Little Saint?” she let out a humourless chuckle and stated “I just turned 19, and am already married to a man that’s...five times my age? maybe more? Sure he’s handsome but…” I opened my eyes in time to see her shudder and laughed

“Please never call my brother handsome in my presence again”

Zoya and I were supposed to leave in look for the firebird that day, but the morning’s light drizzle had turned to a storm, I had been feeling strange all day, but assumed it was just the sudden weather change

“It doesn’t look like the storm will let anytime soon” Nikolai said, I had been learning the mechanics of some of his flying crafts that day, should Zoya and I come to need one to bring the firebird back swiftly “be a shame, it makes flying all the most difficult” I nodded, we were in his old study and the lights were burning low, we were ready to call it a night when I spoke up

“You’ve trusted me all this years and even to a degree now, after what I did” He looked at me curiously, giving a single silent nod as I looked at him “it wouldn’t be fair if I didn’t trust you” 

“Whatever you mean? I know for a fact you trust me well enough, or at least enough to have told me you’re the Darkling’s sister” I smiled and nodded that seemed almost mild compared to what was in my mind now

“Well...I have something else to tell you, but we might take a couple hours an a bottle of kvass for you to understand it” He laughed but nodded, going to take one of the bottles from the bar 

“I’ll give you a bottle of my best Brandy, but I’m sure this will take much more less than a couple hours” I rolled my eyes, lounging back into my chair

“Well, then pour us some glasses, you’re going to need a drink fairly soon.” The storm seemed to finally be slowing when I was done with explanations and Nikolai had asked all his questions, we had moved from his desk to sit by the fire, on the floor as is we were nothing more than children trying to chase off the cold. He was quietly watching the flames, the whole discussion had taken longer than he would have liked it and we hadn’t even drank more than two glasses of booze 

“There has to be a way to work around it” He said for what must have been the hundredth time in the hour being “you were an amplifier before this, a living amplifier, so maybe you can still use that? Let Alina use your power without having to end your life?” I smiled and shook my head, of course, killing a creature of legend was much more easier than killing a mere human being.

“it’s not like that, Niko, Morozova’s amplifiers aren’t like any other, for a Grisha to use their full potential their lives need to be sacrificed, a bond created by the life taken and the choices made…” I sighed, smiling up at him “You have to make sure she’s the one to do it, though” I stood up, reaching under my kefta and handing him a package, he unwrapped it, delicately holding what seemed to be a very simply made glass knife on his hands

“When the time comes, and I know it’ll come” I said, tapping a finger to the dull edge “Make sure she uses this, I suppose it would be more practical and grant more uses if it was made with Grisha steel but…” I shrugged, feeling kind of self conscious “glass seemed more fitting” Nikolai nodded slowly, sighing, he carefully wrapped the knife on the cloth I had used and asked

“Did you make it?” I nodded, answering

“With the guidance of Tatyana Chepurin, you might have heard of her, she walked me through the whole process...you know a Grisha as old as The Darkling and myself can only be killed by their own power turned against them, hence the knife”

“Why are you telling me all this? I mean maybe if she heard it from you…Alina, I mean, maybe she would not feel as bad about taking a life?” I smiled shaking my head

“Nikolai, I’m trusting you with this because I know no matter how big your heart is or how fond you are of me, Ravka it’s your first love, and you’ll do what it takes to protect it...Alina will try to back down, and I hope you’re there to guide her”

“Why not have your brother do it, then? Why are you making my list of friends that have died by my hand longer?” I smiled, reaching to take his hand

“Because if I’m going to die, I want my blood to bring freedom to the people, not to bring the world into darkness” He looked at me as if he was actually seeing me for the first time since we met, he shook his head and pressed a kiss to the back of my hand

“You would make a fine martyr and an beautiful enough saint, you know?” I laughed, swatting at his shoulder

“Just let me be a good woman, at least in your eyes”

* * *

After spending the best part of that same morning discussing, Nikolai advised it was best if we kept the information I had given him for ourselves at least until we were sure there was no way around it, his determination was admirable. A few days after the storm I was finally getting ready for the expedition to look for the Firebird, Alina had the faint idea that it should be somewhere near the settlements where she had been born and lacking a better hint than the stone arch in Ilya’s illustration, we decided to start there, at least Nikolai and I knew it was all pretense, but it was something he wanted done, Alina and Aleksander were still going on visits to different towns, making a pretense of their marriage being a lot more happy and a lot more genuine than it actually was

“You know” Nikolai started as he walked me to the latest craft he had worked on “what really bugs me is that I wanted to marry her” I looked at him, smiling softly

“I would love to say something along the lines of you getting what you want because you’re a prince, but sadly that’s not how the real world works, maybe you’ll find love elsewhere? A Kerch noble woman or the Fjerdan princess? Someone with a glorious dowry?” He chuckled and nodded patting me on the back

“Well...I guess this is inappropriate, but how much do you have saved? I mean, I’ve been demoted to Royal advisor...Marrying a princess would make me a prince again?” He wiggled his eyebrows in what was supposed to be a suggestive way and I laughed, shoving him

“Don’t be gross! Besides, I’m not necessarily a princess” I said making a face “And as far as I know, you haven’t been demoted! Just given an extra job besides looking handsome and posing for paintings” He scoffed mockingly offended

“but those are my two areas of expertise!”

We walked in amiable silence until we reached the lake, he had explained that was the best place for a take off, he looked at me as we neared the small dock, tilting his head

“Have you ever been in love, Lena?” I smiled and nodded, shrugging 

“I was much more younger, but I loved him and I like to think he loved me...he died of old age though...but I was with him until the end of his days”

“Only once?” Nikolai asked, nudging me with his elbow as we stopped in front of the sleek craft he liked to call The Kingfisher I laughed and shook my head

“I’m nearing my 120th birthday, do you think I only loved once, you nosy prince?” He chuckled and shrugged offering me his hand to get on the Kingfisher

“Just curious! can you really blame a guy?” I rolled my eyes, and sighed, smiling up at him after I had gotten onto the craft

“No, I loved more than once, but only one time I had to let the one I loved go, she was interested in someone else and although there was something there, I don’t think it would have worked”

“She? how scandalous! Should I tell your brother about it?” I swatted at his shoulder, laughing 

“Oh come on, you assume after all this years he hasn’t been attracted by a man once or twice? Maybe he’ll tell you a nice little story if you do tell on me, you little shit”

“Or maybe I won’t” Nikolai and I looked over at the back of the craft. surprised to see The Darkling walking over, calm as ever, looking from our still joined hands to my face “Yelena, a word?” 

  
I followed my brother back into the palace, there was an unusually tense silence between us as we made our way to the throne room, Alina was waiting there, looking pensively out the window, she looked at us when we came in, but she didn’t smile as usual

“What seems to be the matter?” I asked, looking up at Aleksander, he sighed and led me to sit by a tea service before answering 

“We have a Shu delegation coming over, I suppose as a final warning about the war, or a declaration of the same” I frowned, this sounded like something they should be discussing with Nikolai, not me I looked curiously at him after taking a cup of tea “We are going to meet near the fold, If need be can make an example out of them, send them to the mercy of the Volcra” I shook my head, already beginning to get up

“No, Aleksander, I’m not going to help with that, it’s a war crime at that point”

“We are still going to war” Alina said quietly “I...I agree with The Darkling on this, I believe if they are afraid of what they might encounter here, we have a better chance of slowing them down, or stopping them altogether...”  
“Or they will take this as an open invitation to march into Ravka.” Alina sighed and shrugged, Aleksander stood, walking up to the window

“I know you want to solve this the hard way, destroy the fold, unify Ravka, have both armies fight in a hopeless war” he sighed, looking at me “It cannot be done, their army is bigger, they have the Khergud soldiers to stand against our Grisha, I understand you and Nikolai want a clean war, but that’s a war Ravka will not survive” I hated that he was making sense, but mostly I hated that he had convinced Alina and now was trying to do the same with me, I sighed and nodded

“Fine, but I want to have this discussed with Nikolai, he’s your advisor after all isn’t he?” He tensed at this but nodded, sending a servant to bring Nikolai over, we waited in the same tense silence that had accompanied us to the palace, it felt almost as if he was waiting for something to happen, I wasn’t sure if he was just eager to have Ravka go to war or me to find the Firebird. After what felt like an eternity Nikolai entered the room, looking around curiously

“Ah, I see you’re having yet another meeting without me!”

“Hardly a meeting” Aleksader said with a lazy wave of his hand “The Shu are sending a delegation to Ravka, I want to use them as an example that we are not to be messed with”

“As long as we have the fold” Alina added quietly, the Darkling nodded 

“As long as we have the fold...” Nikolai repeated, he took his time to consider this, his eyes going from their faces to mine before he spoke

“And I suppose, as usual, Lena was the only one talking sense, you denied to it, didn’t you?” I nodded, looking at Aleksander, his eyes met mine with the same quiet anger I was feeling

“I did, I consider it completely unnecessary”

“If you allow me to ask, moi Tsar” Nikolai said with what I considered an unnecessary bow “isn’t this something you have done before? use the fold as a weapon, I mean, show off how you can control it, sacrifice a few mandataries, it does sound awful familiar” The Darkling turned to look at Nikolai, nodding

“I did make sure they saw the fold expand, however Alina made sure no one but myself got out of the fold alive after that demonstration to tell about it.” To my surprise, Alina looked down at this, sighing 

“He expanded the fold and threw Mal to the volcra, I managed to run away and break a skiff so he couldn’t follow us...no one survived except for The Darkling.” Nikolai nodded, sighing as he began pacing the room, after what seemed like an unbearably long time he looked at Aleksander 

“Well…I seem to understand you point, however I think feeding them to the volcra is overdoing it a bit, I mean, who will deliver the message?” I frowned, glaring up at him

“Don’t tell me you’re actually considering it” He nodded, I rolled my eyes “you just said I was the only one speaking sense in this room!” He shrugged, moving to take a seat on one of the couches, looking off 

“I know what I said, but still i think what your brother says should be taken into consideration, I seem to remember someone telling me fear is a good ally” I scowled and shook my head 

“Threatening a sailor is not the same as taking some dignitaries and burning them on the pyre. You’re smarter than this, Nikolai” He shrugged, looking up at me 

“Oh...I don’t think I am” He looked at the Darkling then and nodded “Just scare them, don’t actually kill anyone, maybe let the volcra gnaw them a little?” I threw my hands up exasperated, looking around for some support from Alina, maybe from the paintings in the room, but all I found was Aleksander smiling at me, still standing on the same spot

“You’ll see, in time, that I was right, Lena”

On his request, we left for the fold one early afternoon as soon as the officers the Shu royal family had sent were on the way, the recent battles that had been fought between Nikolai’s and the Darkling’s own men had left their marks, damaged buildings, empty houses, even as The Darkling’s coach rolled by, most people looked at it with some distrust, some others with respect, I was surprised to see a couple people that would pray upon seeing it, looking up expectantly as if hoping to catch a glimpse of his face, compared to the reactions Alina’s own coach attracted we were still mostly on the negative side, with her some people reached to try and touch her coach while others prayed, quietly standing on the side of the road

“how do you cope with this? The whole “my wife is a Saint” thing, I mean” I asked looking out the window. I looked over at him when he didn’t reply, frowning “Aleksander?” He was looking at me, but didn’t smile or made any effort to answer my question, I blinked and asked “Something the matter?”

“Why did you stand against me, Yelena? On using the fold, I mean” I sighed, even though I had been expecting to question me, I didn’t quite expect him to do it while we were traveling

“Because using it seems wrong, I mean, how will you raise the fold to take to Shu Han without damaging Ravka more on its wake? We need to make the country stronger, not shroud it with the fold.” He stiffened, looking as if I had slapped him

“you find me quite insane, don’t you?” He asked, keeping his gaze on mine, I shook my head, laughing 

“No, not insane, but I consider there are better ways of doing this, destroying the fold might be for the best, but trying to use it as a weapon will make the people fear you even more, your own people Aleksander, not only the people against you”

“Are you afraid of me, Yelena?” I frowned, I had learned to be afraid of him from Baghra and the way other people referred to him, but after all the time I spent with him that seemed to have diminished, I shook my head, huffing

“Amazingly, as you can see, I’m not, and I’d like to keep it that way, although, I’m still wondering why do you keep me around? I mean, civil war’s over, you got the girl and the prince doing as you wish, why keep the stubborn sister around?” He scowled and looked off 

“If I’m being honest, I’ve wondered the same myself, at the beginning I thought it was for precaution, you still can be used as leverage if you manage to get kidnapped, then I realised even if it is to argue, I long for your presence when you’re not around...I never thought I would find someone that would live as long as myself until I came to know about Alina and now you” I softened at his words even so slightly, I had to recognise that even below the person he had grown to be, he still was a boy that had been born with too much power and had gotten singled out from birth.

“Well at least I know my presence is still somewhat wanted, then” I said, not meeting his eye, and still, I realised the silence between easing into a friendlier one.

We arrived on the fold the morning after we departed, having taken a break at an inn already near Kribirsk, we were led to The Darkling’s tent by the shores of the fold to wait for the Shu delegation, I was uneasy, sure we had come to an agreement, but to what extent would it work? what if we were ran to the floor by Khergud after this?

“You feel it too, don’t you?” Alina asked standing beside me, sighing I nodded, the whole place felt wrong “When I was in it last time, I swear the volcra sounded almost human” I looked at her frowning a little, I had never been into the reaches of the fold and I wasn’t sure I wanted to be, I swallowed hard against my nervousness and spoke out

“Well, hopefully when you have the Firebird you’ll be able to destroy it?” I said, smiling weakly, now that I had finally seen the extent of it, even that seemed hard to conceive, to my suprise, she smiled and nodded

“I hope so, all the more reason to put this whole thing to an end quicker” I smiled and turned to walk back to the tent, I reached and held onto her bare wrist, immediately letting go of it when I felt the jolt that went through her, I had felt it too but tried to ignore it as I asked

“Is there anything wrong?” She looked at me, clearly surprised, rubbing her wrist

“nothing, it’s just...last time I felt something like this was with Mal” she shook her head and walked ahead of me “Let’s go” I followed her quietly, I knew the power of the three amplifiers was begging to be brought together even more so due to the closeness of the fold, but the more I reflected on it, the more I realised I didn’t want to die, that there were things I still wanted to see made, maybe my home free of war and Nikolai finding a way to take a more active role as a ruler, Djel and all his waters, I also wanted to see Matthias and Nina again as much as it pained me to admit it. I just hoped Nikolai would be much more determined on this whole thing than I was.

It was late in the afternoon when the Shu finally arrived, a prime minister and some other people, I had spent the best part of the day inside The Darkling’s tent so I hadn’t noticed the groups of pilgrims gathering on the shores of the fold, some of them clearly come to see the Sun Saint, to my surprise there were others calling different worships on a different name

“The Starless saint?” I asked, frowning “well I don’t have to guess to know who that is” Nikolai was standing beside me, at the entrance of the tent, peeking out

“I’m glad I don’t have to say it because the thought of it still baffles me” He said with a frown of his own, one that quickly vanished after he shrugged “I mean, I suppose it makes sense to a degree? A very powerful Grisha, one that has been alive for a long long while, the more I learn about saints the more it sounds like all of them were Grisha” I nodded sighing as I let the flap fall to cover me again

“well, luckily we will be out of here in no time, I mean, after that meeting with the Shu is said and done...what is the plan anyway?” Nikolai took a deep breath, closing the entrance completely 

“To take them into the fold, in a skiff, like I said just make them understand the dangers in it, I highly doubt even their best trained soldiers are able to face the volcra and darkness itself…” He seemed to tense, looking off as he spoke “or they might think they are able to and try to fight in the deep of the fold just to die there” I frowned, I had heard him screaming in agony back in the spinning wheel and had seen the strange markings on his skin after the fight was said and done.

“Nikolai, what happened back in the mountain? When The Darkling cornered the sun summoner?” He looked at me, frowning 

“What do you mean? You were there, you know what happened” I shook my head, reaching to hold his gloved hand

“I’m not talking about the fight itself, I’m talking about what happened to you, you were nowhere to be seen and when I asked for you he told me he hadn’t hurt you, but merely taught you a lesson, what did he do?” He carefully pulled his hand away from mine and removed the glove, sure enough the darkness still stained his veins on his fingers and ran up to his arms 

“He made me into one of his monsters, I don’t know how to explain it, it was like his power took hold of me and made me equal to the volcra...It’s certainly something I’m not looking forward to happen again” He said with a humourless chuckle “but in case it does, at least I think I’ll be able to control it, I mean, I didn’t attack anyone even when I was dragged back down, so” I nodded, letting out a breath I didn’t realise I had been holding and moved deeper into the tent, I didn’t know which kind of comfort I could offer or if any words would suffice at all, I just motioned him to follow me as I walked 

“Let’s go tell The Darkling the Shu arrived”

Although Aleksander wanted to have the whole thing done the same night, Nikolai insisted that we at least made some attempt at being cordial, a nice dinner and maybe offer accommodations for the night to sail into the fold the next morning, I was to help keep the volcra at bay while we got into the deep of the fold for Alina to work there, it should be easy and still, I was feeling sick as we discussed the plan

“Is there something wrong, Yelena?” The Darkling asked, looking at me “Would you prefer to command the skiff? I believe having some chance to fight back without putting the rest of us at risk should be easier on you” I nodded, unsure of how to respond to his claim, the weight of the flint that had been given to me seemed to increase in my pocket

“no, no, it’s all fine just...It’s the first time I’m going into the fold and-”

“you’re nervous,” Alina said with a kind smile “it’s understandable, happened to me as well, but it’s not as awful after you’ve done it a couple of times” I looked up at her, raising an eyebrow

“Really?”

“no, not really, but still we’ll be safe, they fear the light and we won’t let them get too close to the skiff, you’ll be safe” I smiled and nodded, trying to look more at ease for the rest of the night, but still there was something that urged me to leave as soon as possible and stay as far away from the fold as I could manage. Of course I didn’t, if this was the best for Ravka then I wanted to be there and make sure nothing went wrong as the last time. Still, I was not surprised when Nikolai sent an urgent message to what was left of West Ravka to evacuate that same night.

“Do you think he’ll try to expand it again? to give them some more to talk about? I think the monsters are enough to go about for weeks” Alina and I were getting ready to sleep, out cots were close together and far from the boy’s so we had some privacy 

“I want to say no but you have seen how he is, as long as there is a way to justify his actions, he will do what it takes to keep what’s his” I sighed and nodded, I knew she was right and still hoped Aleksander would know better than to keep hurting Ravka on his will to keep control over it

“I know, I know...Good night, Alina” I said as I laid down, I heard her hesitate, then lay down as well, the tent was in complete silence except the distant murmurs of the Oprichniki keeping guard, and still I doubted any of us got some sleep at all.

I was up and about before sunrise, seeing breakfast made and getting ready for the incursion to the fold, I was finishing tying up my hair in a simple bun when Aleksander walked into the common room

“Good morning, sister” He greeted calmly, pouring himself some tea “did you sleep at all?” I nodded, knowing well that my face told a totally different story

“I did, for a couple hours at least, are the others ready?”

“As ready as they can be,” He said with a nod “there’s still some time before we have to actually go, would you take a walk with me?” I blinked a couple of times at his invitation but nodded all the same, following him out of the tent, quiet “I wasn’t aware you had never seen the fold before” He said as we walked away from it, back into town, I was surprised to notice his guards were not following us

“I just was never back in Ravka after I left the first time” I said quietly “just kept moving from place to place, I heard about it when it happened but...well, the closer I had come to it before was when I crossed the Sirkuzoi to get back a while ago” He nodded, looking back over his shoulder

“I suppose that’s understandable, but while it’s not something I am proud of, it has proven to be useful” I nodded as we came to a stop, sighing 

“Useful is not always the same as good, you know? I don’t want to start an argument before we get in there but I still think destroying it is for the best” I looked off, not really wanting to see his angry expression again, however, he just remained quiet for a while, breaking the silence with a sigh

“Maybe you’re right, I suppose this whole thing can be discussed after we are done with the Shu delegation?” I nodded, feeling even so slightly positive, if he was willing to at least consider undoing this, then our mother was right and he still could be redeemed.

We headed back to the tent when the sun was already high in the sky to have a late breakfast and review the plan one last time with Nikolai and Alina, then headed out when the Shu arrived, making no time for pleasantries, Nikolai began with a speech about the damages the fold could inflict as well as a rather graphic description of the volcra, I was trying not to pay much attention to it as I took my place in the skiff and we began to move into the fold, Aleksander called orders here and there when needed. When the volcra didn’t come he commanded us to lure them in with flame, I followed his orders even though my hands were shaking, the darkness and quiet of the fold were absolute, broken only by our own voices and the light and roaring of the flames we were keeping alight around us, then I heard a horrible cry on the distance, wings getting closer to us and to my dismay, I realised other skiffs had followed us, the pilgrims, blind on their faith for the sun Summoner and the starless one to keep them safe, I looked at The Darkling and the Sun Summoner, hoping they would notice about the other skiffs and make sure to protect them, but neither of them looked at me, and if they saw the skiffs, they did not acknowledge them.

I was aware Nikolai was talking to the Shu delegation, trying to make a point of how dangerous would it be for the fold to be expanded

“After all” Nikolai sounded way too cheerful for the subject at hand, eager to make a point almost “the fold does reach all the way to Shu Han, just by the Petrazoi!” I supposed it was all part of an act, but what if it wasn’t? I tried to focus on something else, but there was nothing to focus on, wherever I looked there was just darkness. A memory came back, vivid, unwanted, one moment I was walking on a frozen lake, trying to cross. My father had sworn it was safe, that nothing would happen and the other the ice on which I stood gave way, I didn’t even feel the water soaking through my clothes, it just felt sharp pain all around me, my eyes flew open in panic, to my horror I found I couldn’t see, I couldn’t tell which way would take me to the surface and which would just make me sink further, I began kicking, fighting with my instinct to scream, I hoped that if I made enough of a turmoil, my father would find me. That didn’t happen, I managed to pull myself from the water, sputtering and gasping for breath, I laid on the ice until I could calm down. when I finally did I looked around. He was nowhere to be found.

When I finally found my way back home, I was drowsy and I ached, I wasn’t shivering anymore, my mom was already mourning me and my father played a fine part of doing the same, even faking relief when he saw me, but his eyes reminded me of the dark depths of the lake, pitiless and cold. Mom had said I was smart for not having fallen asleep on the snow, dooming myself to the grave, My father said nothing as he fed the fire, trying to make the house as warm as possible, mother had seen that I took a warm bath, she wrapped me in blankets and gave me hot drinks, I didn't get sick...but from that day on, I never could shake the cold from the water that had settled in me like a second skin.

“Yelena!” I snapped back into the present, the voice calling out to me sounded panicked, I noticed I was shaking and felt tears rolling down my cheeks, on instinct I thrust my arm down, trying to reach for water to summon but nothing answered my call “Yelena! Quick! The pilgrims!” This time I recognised the voice calling for me in the dark, Zoya was being held back by The Darkling’s Oprichniki. He was making no move to help while Nikolai attempted to get the other Inferni to follow orders, as if suddenly coming alive I heard the screams and the sounds of the volcra feeding, I threw my arms wide after striking the flint, sending arches of flames towards the monsters, Nikolai finally giving up on the other summoners grabbed hold of his guns and began firing as well, I didn’t cast him a second look, we were the only two trying to save the other skiffs, to my surprise I realised some of the people holding onto the banner of the stairless saint seemed willing to let the darkness take them.

“Enough!” the Prime minister called “enough! We didn’t come here to see your own people slain!” I couldn’t understand why Alina wasn’t doing anything, why my brother made the other summoners stand still as civilians were devoured by the monsters he created, it hurt me to see children there pleading for their lives while their parents were helpless to help or eager to be taken

“You’re right” The Darkling’s calm, smooth voice contrasted with Nikolai’s screaming, desperate and broken “You’re here to learn a lesson” 


	8. Part 2: The Swan's Song

I heard a shriek right beside me and couldn’t help but look, our own skiff came alive with sunlight, just enough to cover us all as Nikolai, or what used to be Nikolai flew into the darkness his cries were horribly human and at the same time distorted and monstrous I finally tore my eyes away from what was left of the other skiffs to look at the Darkling, to my amazement I realised the monsters were leaving, as if attracted by Nikolai’s half human voice

“A lesson?!” A Shu girl stood up, trying to push away from the front row, away from the Darkling and Alina “you’re insane!”

“I’m not, I just hope you understand that even if I have to leave all of Ravka in darkness, I’ll run the fold to your front door and lay your country to waste” I stepped down from my post, the cries of children still were heard in the dark, the beating of wings had stopped, I heard moans and whimpers, pained sounds, desperate sounds, I stepped to the middle of the skiff, staring at the Darkling

“You’re insane” I said, I was amazed by the calmness of my own voice, it sounded alien to my ears “Baghra was right, you’re too far gone” it hurt me to think all his niceness, all his talk of agreeing with me was a lie to get me to come on whatever this was, but it hurt me even more to see The Darkling tense, then begin to call on his monsters, one by one, shadow soldiers stood by his side, surrounding him and Alina, I rose my hands but it was all a pantomime, I knew no matter what I called upon, nothing would match him, nothing would slow him down or make him change his mind, Matthias had been right, I had joined ranks with a dictator.

“Stand down, Yelena” he said flatly but made no move to attack me “you still can come back with us, I still need you” I swallowed against the knot on my throat, lowering my arms, I took a deep breath and walked to the front of the skiff, right in front of his shadow army. He was a good liar, the best probably that I had ever met, but I hoped he would agree to what I had to say.

“Then let me stand by your bride’s side, brother” I said, fighting to keep myself from looking around or calling for help, I just hoped that, whatever Aleksander had done to Nikolai would leave his mind intact, that he was out there keeping the monsters at bay and guessing at what I wanted him to do, what we all needed to happen “Let me be your equal, not only a tool on your hand” 

The Nichevo’ya opened a path for me, I stood by Alina’s side, looking ahead, the pilgrims and the Shu looked at me with renewed interest, it was still not enough to hide their horror. I reached and took hold of Alina’s hand, to my surprise the cold handle of the knife I’d given Nikolai met my hand, she looked to me as The Darkling stood forward, ready to claim his victory 

“Nikolai told me everything while you were gone this morning” She said with a slight frown, her voice barely a whisper, I took hold of the knife and pulled it out from under her sleeve “he said you’d do what was right, just to get the knife to you” she smiled then, expectantly, almost, I returned her smile and thought back to Nina, her lovely smile and easy manner, the way she seemed to bring the whole world alive with her laugh, I also thought of Baghra and her quiet determination, her resolution to keep me safe and my brother human, whatever the cost was, even her life, Tatyana and her rough charm, the way she had of seeing everything as if they were no more than atoms, no more than matter to be worked by her deft hands, my thoughts became a blur of every face I had seen in my life and every memory I held dear to my heart, I looked forward, focusing on my brother, I knew he was not a good man and probably would never be, but I knew in his eyes, he was doing it all for the only home he had ever known, to make a sanctuary for the Grisha. I wondered what had I done if I had been on his place for the briefest second, then looked back at Alina.

“He was right” I said, blinking back my tears, I gripped the knife tightly, taking a deep breath as I held onto her wrist, the power flowing through us was too great to handle and still not enough, I closed my eyes and focused on make my arm move, I felt the knife slice cleanly through my clothes and my skin, the pain nonexistent and suddenly there, burning my flesh, my other hand still gripping Alina’s wrist “I told you I would get you the Firebird” I felt my lungs contract letting out the last of the air they’d been holding with my words I began falling to my knees but I was held up forcefully, I hadn’t noticed when Aleksander went back to us, but it seemed fitting to die in his arms. I had always longed for a family, a place to call a home that would welcome me at the end of the day, I had never had it, the only time I tasted something like that was when I lived in ketterdam with Nina and in that boat with her and Matthias, my eyes filled with fresh tears realising I would never see them again, but who were the tears for? Them or myself?

Now it seemed childish, but I hoped whatever this brought, helped Ravka be a sanctuary for the people that came to it, not a place of terrors, I hoped my blood way paying the price for Ravka’s freedom.

“Why?” The Darkling didn’t cry or tried to stop my bleeding, he seemed to understand what was going on and if anything I wondered if he was angry he didn’t get to kill me “Why did you do this, why today?” I smiled weakly and tried to speak, I tasted blood and focused one last time on his face, on my hold of Alina’s wrist by my own determination or whatever power was pulling me to the other amplifiers, it didn’t loosen even as the world faded to black.


	9. The Bright Future

The Summoner’s lifeless body slumped against the Darkling, blood soaking the front of her richly embroidered kefta and The Darkling’s own hands. The fold was almost unbearably quiet, in the distance one of the monsters lurking in the dark seemed to let out a pained cry, as if it understood what had happened. It was hard to tell who had noticed it first, but the light had died on the hands of the Sun Summoner and the fold filled with the inhuman shierks of the volcra.

Then in the pilgrim’s skiff, there was the barest sound of surprise, light poured from the hands of a child, then another, then the remaining adults, even the shu, wherever the light touched, the fold seemed to unravel into thin mist. The Darkling looked around, it was hard to read his expression, the fold was still too dark and the girl in front of him could not remedy it anymore. Still those closer to him say there was sorrow in his eyes, betraying the fury of his face.

He called on his shadows, determined to bring the whole world down if he needed to before letting the fold come undone, and yet before he could call a full on attack, he sputtered blood and fell to his knees, the barest look of surprise assessing the sun summoner before resting on his back, his hand searching for his sister’s own as he exchanged words with the girl they called a saint. After the light had dies on the Darkling’s eyes, his hand remained gripping her sister’s, a simple gesture, one that never happened in life seemed to join them in their death. No one spared a second look to the now powerless sun summoner, no one wondered who her tears were for.

“She knew what she was doing” The Pirate King said “she knew there was no other way, understood same as Baghra that he would not stop...” After the fold had come undone and he had recovered from a rather large fall, Nikolai’s first order as a king had been to have the bodies to be brought to the Darkling’s tnet, The siblings laid on their backs side by side, their expressions beautifully calm. His no longer severe and hers no longer longing “which doesn’t make it any less sad, I’m afraid no one knew her, and no one ever will”

“we did” Alina said, she was whispering, as if afraid raising her voice would wake the dead, she reached to smooth first Yelena’s hair, then Aleksander’s, sighing “She deserves to be a saint more than he does, I think more than I do, even” Nikolai nodded and leaned back, closing his eyes a rueful smile playing on his lips.

“She didn’t want to be one, she didn’t even want to be a hero” He opened his eyes, looking at the girl on the floor, maybe he hoped for her to move or smile, even roll her eyes and sit up, mocking him for his distinctively red eyes. Her blood was on his hands, another friend lost trying to prevent a war “She just wanted us to be free.” 

“So she gave us freedom” Zoya said “We still can give her a saint’s goodbye”

There was no eulogy for the Morozova Siblings, no one knew their name, Yelena’s features were changed and she passed as another girl, once Ravka’s greatest hope, now a mere commoner that wished for a quiet life in the countryside. When the people that attended the service cried out, the called Alina’s name in praise and some cursed the Darkling’s title while others praised it as well. No one knew who Yelena was, what she had done for them and no one would ever know. The girl burning on the pire beside The Darkling was mourned as a saint, given a grand goodbye as she deserved on Nikolai’s and Alina’s eyes, one worthy of the sacrifice she had made to deliver a better future to the people.


End file.
